The sad reality is that across the globe, families are being torn apart. Our enemy the devil delights in that, because family, all along, was God’s plan. But we’re not going to take this lying down, because God wants to bless your family. In His book, family matters. A lot.

As I travel around the world and see what’s going on in different societies and cultures – here’s one of the things that I see. It’s happening all over the place. This thing that we call family – is under attack. It’s a war zone out there and this war is relentlessly pounding away at the family unit, intent it seems, on tearing it apart.

I’m a former army officer – and I remember once during my training they took us to a large firing range – it was open, you could see for miles, there were no trees. We were sitting on one hilltop and on a hill a few miles away, they’d dug a defensive installation. There were pits, bunkers with overhead protection, like the ones infantry soldiers would dig if they were defending that hill against the enemy.

Then they began to bombard that hill – first with light artillery, then with medium artillery and then with heavy artillery. It was the most unbelievable firepower demonstration I had ever seen. All of us who were watching it were thinking to ourselves – man, I’m glad I’m not in one of those bunkers on that hill – and since we were training to be army officers, training to lead men into war – we knew that one day, we could well find ourselves in that place.

But the artillery was nothing, compared to the bombs the planes dropped on that hill. Yep – a squadron of bombers clew over and dropped their loads on that target hill – it was just unbelievable. The massive firepower that was unleashed on that defensive position. 

That’s what I see happening to families around the world. Modern life is bombarding our families in all sorts of ways. And the army that’s marching against our families is called “individualism”. One of the greatest variations in cultures that I see across the world – is the degree to which they’re collective or individualistic.

In many countries, they remain family and community oriented. Typically, they’re the less economically developed countries and there’s a good reason for that. Because when people are less well off, they rely on one another for protection and support. The more economically developed a country becomes, the less they rely on one another and the more individualistic they become. But even in many countries in Africa and Asia in particular where I’ve travelled, there is an incessant march of individualism.

So even these family oriented cultures aren’t immune – they are very much under attack from this western style of individualism, where it’s all about me, me, me. As media globalises, as cable television channels and internet and music crosses borders and cultural boundaries, our children, in particular, are being fed the line that it’s all about them. And it’s a seductive line. It’s a line that says you can have it all.

That’s why individualism is sweeping the globe. That’s why families in family oriented cultures are very much under attack.

And here in the so–called economically developed western cultures, hey – many families have been decimated. And those that haven’t are under attack. In the west, divorce rates hover between 40 and 50%. In the west, many families don’t even share a single meal together. In the west, many children aren’t learning to honour their parents, to respect their grandparents.

In the west, families are disintegrating en masse and it seems that all we’re intent on doing is talking about the symptoms, but nobody much is talking about the heart of the problem. It’s like cancer – rates of cancer amongst people eating a western diet high in carbohydrates and seed oils are skyrocketing. I mean a hundred years ago, almost no one died of cancer. Today it’s one of the top 3 killers. And all the stuff you see on TV is about treating the disease, instead asking why it’s happening and stopping it in its tracks.

It’s the same with this relentless attack on families. You hear adults talk about children who are disrespectful; you see young boys and girls going on drinking binges and getting rotten drunk – everybody’s talking about the symptoms. The disease however is the disintegration of the family unit. It’s the falling apart of the single, most important – God ordained – social unit on the planet. The family. So I come back to my original thesis – the family is under attack. Relentless attack.

But this isn’t just a geopolitical issue. It’s not just a law and order issue. It’s not just a health issue. It’s not just a social issue. It’s a personal issue. Let’s bring it right down to you and me. Your family is under attack. My family is under attack. And when all is said and done, our families are the most important thing on this earth. Or are they?

On a scale of zero to 10 – how important is your family to you? Zero is not at all important. 10 is supremely important. Come on – no one’s marking your score card here except you yourself – HOW IMPORTANT IS YOUR FAMILY TO YOU, on a scale of zero to 10? 

Some will answer that with an 8, 9 or 10. But many – many, if they’re honest with themselves, will be disturbed by the answer, because in their heart of hearts they’ll know that other things are much more important to them than their families. Women tend to place a far higher value on family and relationships, for instance, than men do. In part, it’s because mothers are wired to love their children in a special way. And in part, it’s because men are wired to be the hunter–gatherers, out there providing for their families.

But there are other distractions too. There’s the whole materialism treadmill that we can end up getting on – and we find ourselves having to work so long and so hard for the stuff we want to have, that we don’t have the time to invest in our families. I want to leave you with this one thought today – YOUR FAMILY NEEDS YOU. Mother Theresa once said:

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”

She had that right. Sometimes, we think there are all these big things out there for us to achieve. And hey, for some people there are. But nothing, nothing is bigger than going home and loving your family. This family that – okay – you didn’t choose for yourself. But this family that’s the only one that you have.

This family, that is a precious gift to you from God.

For this reason a man shall leave his mother and his father, to become one with his wife –and the two become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

After God created Adam, He created Eve and gave her to Adam – so that the two would become one and in so doing, produce offspring, children. There you have it, right from the beginning, God creates a family.

It’s easy to miss that. Family was God’s plan from the beginning and as it turns out, He has rather a lot to tell us about how a loving and effective family should live and behave and run as a family unit. That’s what we’re going to be talking about in these coming days and weeks on the program.

But not long after that, the family unit – the very first family unit – starts to come apart at the seams. They had two children – Cain and Abel – and out of jealousy one kills the other. So the moment sin entered the world, there you have it, the family unit is under attack.

When you’re gone, what sort of legacy are you going to leave behind on this earth? A good one, or… not so much? Well let me tell you, much of the legacy that you leave behind will be through your family, your children, their children. Sure – not everybody goes on to have a family. But most of us do and for most of us, our legacy, will be not just the DNA that we’ve passed on, but the values, the morals, the competencies, the faith and the love that we’ve passed on.

I’ll say it again – your family is under attack, under relentless bombardment. And in this war zone, in this battle – your family needs you. So – back to my earlier question – on a scale of 0 to 10, where are they in your list of priorities?

Most of us imagine that out there, somewhere, is a perfect family. In fact, probably, our family is the worst one on the street. But the reality is that all families have struggles. 100% of them. There’s no such thing as the perfect family, and the sooner we come to grips with that, the better off our family will be.

I want to deal today with a delusion that many people live under. I want to blow it completely out of the water – and that delusion is the perfect family. Here’s how it goes.

As we live day by day with our own families, we rub up against the imperfections in each family member. Husbands and fathers, wives and mothers, children, grandparents, grandchildren, uncles, aunts, cousins – not a single one of them is perfect. And as much as some of those people may, to a greater or lesser extent be talented or gifted in certain areas, the reality is that they’ve also inherited many of the foibles and weaknesses, ineffective perspectives and attitudes of their parents.

And, worse still, they’ve probably developed a few bad habits of their own.

Put all of those people together into a closed eco–system that we call “the family” – and from time to time, sparks are going to fly. Not everyone is going to get on with everyone else, not everyone is even going to like everyone else.

You’re getting my drift, right? You know exactly what I’m talking about here, because there’s not a single person who hasn’t experienced this reality. It is the universal reality of every family. Every family has bits that are working well, and every family as some black sheep, some dysfunctional relationships, some clashes of personality.

Of course, there are different levels of dysfunctionality. Some families have things more or less together, others are a complete and shocking mess. I get that. But would you agree with me that there’s no such thing as the perfect family? Anywhere in the universe? Okay – so we agree on that.

So why is it that most of us have this ideal, perfect family thing in our heads that we compare our own families too – only to conclude, my lot are beyond help? Why is it that we believe the happy, smiling, stereotypical family thing that we see on television, in advertisements, in the sitcoms that we watch.

Why is it that we look at our friends’ families and think – wow, if only my husband were like hers, or if only my wife were more like his, or if ONLY our kids were as well behaved and as well adjusted and as respectful as their kids. And look how tidy their kids keep their rooms. Look at the mess my teenagers live in. Have you ever found yourself running those comparisons?

Sure you have! We all have! 

Well, it’s a delusion. The perfect family is a mirage in the desert. There is no such animal on the planet, as a perfect family. And the reason we’re talking about this expectation of perfection, is that it’s this very expectation – this false, unrealistic, impossible expectation – is what disempowers us from investing in our family.

We see the weaknesses and failures and imperfections of individuals. We see the conflicts. We see the dysfunctions. Every family has those to a greater or lesser degree, but we compare them to this false image of the perfect family – and we throw our hands up in despair and conclude – there’s nothing I can do here. They’re beyond help. I’m just going to have to put up with this mess!

Or worse still – and this is happening more and more – I’m opting out. I’ve had enough. That’s how divorces happen. That’s how children don’t speak to their parents for years on end. That’s how brothers and sisters grow up and drift apart – to the great detriment of their own children who now completely miss out on their cousins and aunties and uncles and grandparents.

Some people live in family–oriented cultures. Others, like me – are immersed in individualistic cultures. Many of those who live in family–oriented cultures have no idea – NONE – of how truly blessed they are in their extended families. Cousins growing up together. A neutral aunty or uncle who can step into a conflict that is simply too hot to handle for parents. The gentle wisdom and guidance of grandparents. Those things are the most incredible blessing.

And yet many other families, children, miss out on that blessing, because we’ve decided – hope! They’re a pain in the neck my family. I’m not going to have anything to do with them. HELLO!

Can you please do me a favour? In fact, no – more than that – can you please do yourself a HUUUUGE favour? Ditch this delusion that out there somewhere there is some perfect family. Come on. Just forget it. It’s complete nonsense. NO – your family is not the only family with issues and problems and clashes. NO – your family is not the worst family on the street! NO – your family is not so hopeless and worthless that you should give up on them. 

Come on – they’re your family. They’re the only one that you have – they’re your flesh and blood and they’re worth investing in. And the moment we ditch this ridiculous “my family is the worst family in the world” idea – all of a sudden opportunities open up for us to invest in family, and reap the rewards. 

Your family is a special gift from God. Your family is the most precious collection of people on this planet. And if you write them off now, you are trashing one of the greatest blessings that you will ever, ever receive on this earth. YOUR FAMILY. The only one you’ll ever have.

So, let’s get real. Of course, they’re imperfect. Of course, they won’t always see eye to eye. And of course – the more of your extended family that you connect with and invest in and relate to and have meals with… in a sense, the more problems, clashes and dysfunctions you’re going to run into. Uncle so and so, who has a drinking problem. Aunty so and so, who’s as insecure and bitchy a person as you’ve ever met. That 16 year old nephew who is the rudest child you have ever encountered.

But think of the opportunities for you to invest in their lives. To be there for them. To reap the reward of family relationships. To laugh with and cry with and celebrate with and mourn with. That’s what families do. That’s what families were always meant to do. 

And they were never ever going to be perfect. Ever. 

Let’s come back to that very first family in all of history. Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel. Adam and Eve had a perfect life until they did the one thing that God told them not to do – they ate the fruit of the one and only tree in the Garden of Eden that God told them not to.

And so the first family let the curse of sin enter into this world – something that you and I are still living out today. God kicked them out of the Garden to fend for themselves and life became immeasurably harder. They experienced for the first time pain and hardship. And they brought two boys into the world who grew up and jealousy arose between the two:

Cain said to his brother Abel, Let us go out to the field. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel, and killed him. (Gen 4:8)

Right there in the first family there was dysfunction. Huge dysfunction – I’m hoping that we never see that sort of dysfunction in our families. I hope we never see that sort of a clash and its tragic consequences in our lives.

But there you have it. You and I live in a world where sin has entered. And just as we have sin and shortcomings in us, so our other family members have sin and shortcomings – albeit different ones to our own – in them. Just as they rub us the wrong way sometimes, we rub them the wrong way sometimes. That’s the way it is.

Once we grow up, and mature, and accept that reality – my friend your family can be such an incredible blessing to you. And, more to the point – you can be such an incredible blessing to your family.

When a caterpillar spins itself a cocoon, it does so for a few reasons. The cocoon provides it with protection. The cocoon provides it with a safe place to grow and transform – and eventually, a beautiful butterfly emerges. That’s exactly what a family’s supposed to be like. A cocoon.

I must confess, I’m a land lover. I don’t like being out on the open ocean – particularly not in some small boat that gets tossed around by the wind and the waves. You know that old saying? “I love terra firma. The more firma, the less terra!!!”

One the storms are blowing, when the swell is the size of a multi–story office block, when the waves are crashing over the hull of a ship – well, there is nothing more scary than that. I was talking to a man once during a TV interview who runs a mission for sailors – these men work on commercial shipping vessels that carry goods across the ocean between countries.

Now you’ve seen those ships – stacked full of containers. They’re not small boats by any stretch of the imagination. They’re rather large ships. But this man was telling me that most of these sailors had a healthy fear of the ocean. Their biggest fear was being lost at sea. Because even a large ship like that is at the mercy of the ocean.

And there is nothing quite so frightening as an angry ocean, right? So, give me good old terra firma any time. 

But in a very real sense, we live our lives out on that ocean. Think about it – we’re born as a helpless child – completely helpless. Unlike many other animals, we can’t walk, we can’t communicate, we can’t feed ourselves… hey, a newborn baby doesn’t even have very good eyesight. The human child, when it’s born, is completely defenceless, and completely reliant on its parents. 

That’s where you and I started our life’s journey. And then God put us into a family. Now… I know… some people are orphaned. Some people have terrible parents. But for the most part, most of us end up in a family. Not a perfect family. But… a family nevertheless. Now, let’s just stop and think about the rationale behind that.

We start out as a defenceless, helpless little person – and at the end of our childhood when we pass into adulthood, we’re supposed to be healthy, educated, balanced young men or women, capable of contributing to society, capable of earning a living, capable of finding a soul mate and… capable of bringing a defenceless, helpless little person into this world and starting the whole cycle of life again. Not sure if you’ve ever thought of it in those terms, but that’s the plan. That’s the design. 

And the whole point of it is that our family is a place of safety and protection, a place of nurture and education, and a place where we learn to love and to relate to other people. It’s almost like a cocoon – you know when a caterpillar goes into a cocoon and it goes through the process of metamorphosis and it comes out the other end, incredibly, as a butterfly. 

As the cocoon is to the caterpillar, so the family is to the helpless little person. A place of protection, and a place of transformation. As I think through that – I begin to really appreciate what my parents provided for me and what they did for me. Of course, they didn’t do it perfectly, any more than I have been a perfect dad to my kids.

Here’s the frightening thing though. As I said a couple of days ago/earlier in the program the family unit is under attack from the army of individualism that is marching inexorably across the globe. Individualism has already torn many a family apart in the so–called developed, western nations – it’s left a trail of destruction.

Children who no longer honour their parents, or respect their grandparents. Extended families chopped up into nuclear families. Nuclear families crushed and splattered, as divorce rates start to push 50% – one in 2. And if not that then wedges of individualism pulling those families apart.

And we’re seeing this more and more in the developing economies too – they’re not exempt. As I look at the beautiful family–oriented cultures in many countries in Africa and Asia and the Pacific Nations, for instance – I see this western individualism starting to bombard families there too. It’s only a matter of time.

Father’s too busy to be fathers, because they’re communing so far and working such long hours – to pay for the things that consumerism and individualism tell us are so important to have. Mothers, more and more, also in the workforce now. Children coming home to empty houses – with internet connections that give them unfettered access to the world – in all its beauty and in all its marred, ugly, dangerous manifestations.

Mothers and fathers, today’s message is for you. You are the very fabric of that cocoon. You are the protection, you are the nurture, you are the one who – whether you realise it or not – has by far the greatest role in transforming your helpless babe, into that beautiful butterfly that emerges at the end of the metamorphosis. 

And too many parents – way too many parents – are abdicating from their role as parents. I’ve seen parenting reduced to providing a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear, an education, and money for entertainment. So far as I can see, that’s only about a quarter of what it means to be a parent.

Children learn what it means to be an adult – and a parent – from us. They watch us, they model us, they mimic us. Who we are is not only imprinted in their DNA, it’s imprinted in their soul, their character, their behaviour and their lives.

Parents – your children need you. And by the way, grandparents, your children AND your grandchildren need you. Because one day, all too soon, they’re going to head out onto that stormy sea to live their lives. And your investment in them – good or bad – is going to be their rudder in life.

As the storms hit, as the winds howl, as the waves crash over their bow – your investment in them is going to make all the difference. What is the matter with us parents, that we abdicate our role, because we’re too busy?! What is the matter with us?

And when that storm is way too powerful for them to steam through it on their own, they are going to need a safe harbour to come back to again and again. And unless, from where they sit out there on the stormy ocean, it looks like the sort of harbour that’s worthwhile pulling into – they won’t come. That’s sad. That’s scary. Because they could be lost at sea.

The Bible talks a lot about family. Because as we’ve seen – family is God’s plan. Family is part of God’s amazing design for this world. And your family – the very one you’ve been born into and the very one that perhaps you’ve brought your own children into – is designed to be a place of safety, protection, nurture and transformation. 

THE most important thing is NOT that our children should have designer label clothes, the latest smartphone, and all the entertainment and sporting and music options that they desire. THE most important thing is NOT that our house be the best on the street or that our car be the one that our little heart desires. 

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING – is that our children are loved and nurtured. Have a listen to this piece of wisdom for your family from God:

Better is a dinner of vegetables where love is than a fatted ox and hatred with it. (Prov 15:17)

It’s better for our family and our children to have less, with love, than to have more without it. It’s more important for our children to know that they are loved through what we do with them than what we buy for them. 

Those who have ears should listen. Parents, grandparents… listen to God’s Word today. You have a job to do – a job given to you by God. Please don’t abdicate. Your children’s lives depend on you.

Families across the globe are being torn apart. It’s not just a social phenomenon. It’s a deeply personal, deeply painful experience. And one of the reasons it’s happening is that we’re not giving our families the time that they need and the time that they deserve. Time to do something about that!

It’s true isn’t it? For centuries people have coveted money and power. They’ve been the two most valuable commodities on the world’s value scale.

If you can have enough money, you can buy, own and experience whatever you want. If you have enough power – you can control whatever you want. Makes sense – why wouldn’t people covet money and power?!

But things are changing. The more affluent we become, the less we covet money. Because affluence equals choice. Some one whom I respect greatly once said to me: “Berni, money is only about one thing. It’s about choice.” That reflects the mood of contemporary society.

Of course, we’d all like a little more in our pay packet – there never seems to be quite enough to go around, does there? But many people have more than enough money now, and so what money does, is that it gives them choice. People these days are retiring earlier, or moving from full time, to part–time work. It’s their choice, if they have enough money.

They can choose different experiences too – holidays, restaurants, cafés – the more they have, the greater are their choices. And a lot of people have decided that power isn’t worth the price you have to pay for it. Power is a brutal master.

And as a result – something else has bubbled up to the surface – as being, or at least becoming – the most valuable commodity of all. And that something, is time. No – you won’t find it as a commodity to be traded on world markets. But the more choices we have, the more precious time becomes.

We only have a finite amount of time in the day – I guess we have to sleep sometimes, although many people suffer from a lack of sleep, because of everything they’re trying to cram in. Too many choices, you see. And… we only have a finite amount of time left on this earth.

Many people are capable of earning more money if they try. But time – who knows when it will run out. It is in a sense fixed – it is, given the increasing number of choices we have on how to spend our time, in short supply. And we all know, that when something is in short supply, its value goes up.

That’s why time, for many people, is their most valuable commodity. I wonder – how valuable is your time to you? And how do you choose to spend it? On what do you spend it?

For most of us there’s work – although work for many, is more than work, it’s a career and because a career is valuable, many of us spend way too much time on work. Some people – and I really relate to this – are workaholics. Because I’m passionate about what I do, I’m prone to having my work life out of balance by spending too much of my time on my work.

And whilst I don’t have a long commute at all, many people do. Either by choice or necessity, they travel an hour or two, to and from work. Some people spend too much time on urgent things – like answering emails, rather than important things, like building relationships.

Other people squander their time. Now, time wasted on something we enjoy, isn’t a waste. We all need some rest and relaxation. But some people are lazy. Some people waste their time on things that are of little or no value, things they don’t even enjoy that much – just because, that’s what they always do. How do you spend (or waste) your time? 

I love this quote from nineteenth–century writer and philosopher Elbert Hubbard:

“No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?”

And that brings me right back to the subject of our current series of messages – “How to Stop Your Family from Falling Apart”. Because way too many families are indeed falling apart. Why? Because as western culture’s ethos of individualism and materialism takes hold of a society, our focus turns to cramming as many desirable options into our limited amount of time as we possibly can. So we do things for ourselves. We do things for humanity – I can argue that my job is benefiting other people – hopefully that’s true – and so there, right there is my justification for being a workaholic. 

But if we can’t look back on having given love and attention to our own families, what have we really accomplished?

That’s my question to you today. As you select each day what options you are going to spend your limited time on. Where does your family figure in your priorities? Are they an important option, or not so important? The great actor Michael J Fox whose stellar career was cut short by Parkinson’s disease puts it this way:

“Family isn’t just important. It’s everything.”

So here’s what I want to share with you today: Whatever is going on in your life, however important your job is, however many options you have for being entertained – YOUR FAMILY NEEDS YOUR TIME.

And I’m saying this as much to myself as I’m saying it to you. If time is your most precious commodity, why wouldn’t you spend a good chunk of it on your most precious people – your family?! Husbands, your wife needs your time and your undivided attention. Wives, your husband needs your time and your undivided attention.

Parents, your children need your time and your undivided attention. What bit of that don’t we get? Surfing the internet, watching cable television, answering those emails, watching a movie, having a slightly better job that pays a bit more, but requires a 2 hour daily commute – none of those things, in the cold, hard light of day come anywhere close, to how important your family is.

So – being an Australian and being a fairly forthright and direct individual – let me say this to you. Wake up!

Your family matters.

Desmond Tutu said this:

“You don’t choose your family, they are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

He’s absolutely right of course. So… God gives you this amazing gift – and you toss it in the corner and ignore it. Is that any way to treat your God? Is it any way to treat your family?

God says this to us through Proverbs 22:6:

Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it.

That takes time. It takes time to discipline a child. It takes time to play with a child. It takes time to listen to a child, to appreciate them, to celebrate with them, to mourn with them.

It takes time to keep the passion in your marriage. It takes time to listen to your wife – husbands – when you come home from a day’s work. It takes time – wives – to spend intimate moments with your husband.

All these things take time. The most important things we can possibly do, with the most important people we can possibly have. These people whom God gave us as His special gift. These people to whom God gave us, as their special gift.

Let me finish off today, with another salutary Word from God – He says it so much better than I ever could:

So teach us to consider our mortality, so that we might lie our lives wisely. (Psalm 90:12)

May you be blessed as you receive His Word into your heart.

Our families – imperfect as they are – are a huge blessing from God. But the cornerstone of any family, is the marriage. The cornerstone of your family – if you’re a parent – is… YOUR marriage. To put it bluntly, your family, desperately needs your marriage. 

Here in Australia where I live, over the last decade, people have tended to marry less often and divorce more often. It’s not just the nuclear family that’s being torn apart, it’s the whole concept of the nuclear family that’s being torn apart. In other words, people seem to be losing faith in the notion of marriage and family.

Many couples these days are living together without marrying. Many are choosing not to have children, because of course, these days with contraception available, they can make that choice.

And of all those that do decide to marry, have children, subscribe to the traditional notion of the family – many are ending their marriages and tearing their families apart. In a small country like Australia – population just 23 million – over 1 million children live with only one of their parents according to the latest census. That’s 22% of children – almost a quarter – most of whom find themselves in that situation because their parents are separated or divorced.

But – travel out of the safe, comfortable, affluent culture of Australia and head to some much larger countries, like India for instance, and you discover that instead of a 40% divorce rate they have something like a 1.2% divorce rate. Okay, part of that is that it’s culturally far less acceptable to divorce. But you don’t have to be there very long, to realise that a marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce for it to be coming apart.

There are plenty of people both there and around the globe, who are still married on paper, but whose marriage has for all intents and purposes come to an end. There’s no love or tenderness there. There’s no oneness. They’re always arguing. They never see eye to eye. What was supposed to be a lifelong, loving union of man and woman – has turned into a living nightmare or a relationship, if you can call the constant arguing and bickering a relationship.

And, can I tell you, that’s how a lot of couples live – somewhere between détente… and guerrilla warfare… or outright open conflict. Perhaps that describes your marriage, or the marriage of one of your adult children, or the marriage of someone else you know.

This week on the program, we’re talking about families – in this series of messages that I’ve called “How to Stop Your Family from Falling Apart”. And the reason we’re turning our attention to marriages today is because the marriage is the cornerstone, the bedrock of any family. The plan is that this man and this woman who love each other more than words can say, come together as man and wife in a life–long union.

And out of that love and tenderness, they bring children into the world – who are protected and nurtured – as they grow up. Learning about love, learning about family, learning about marriage by what they see and hear their parents do. So that when they grow up, they’ll know how to choose their soul mate and how to love their soul mate for a lifetime. 

That’s the plan. Sadly, all too often, that plan isn’t realised, because marriages are dysfunctional. 

So, are you married? Do you have children or are you planning to bring children into this world? Then today… today I have a very simple, somewhat blunt message for you: YOUR FAMILY NEEDS YOUR MARRIAGE. They need the safety, comfort, nurture and assurance that your marriage is meant to bring into their lives. And without it, they are bound to repeat your terrible mistakes in life.

That’s pretty blunt and “in your face” I guess. And if you find what I’m saying, a little confronting, then good. It’s meant to be. Because all too many parents think they’re being great parents because they run their children to this and that, buy them the right clothes, make sure they’re entertained up to the eyeballs – and we pat ourselves on the backs as parents and say to ourselves – there you go, I’m a good mum, I’m a good dad.

Whilst all along, the feuding between husband and wife, father and mother – goes on unabated. If not in full view of their children then behind closed doors. But let me tell you, your kids aren’t stupid. They know what’s going on. It’s unsettling them, in some cases, it’s tearing them apart. And, mark my words, what they see you doing they are 99.9% likely to do themselves when they grow up because you mum, you dad are their principle role model.

Fathers, if your boys see you mistreating your wife – their mother – they’ll do the same when they grow up. Mothers, if your girls see you being disrespectful to your husband – their father, if they see you undermining his authority in front of them, then… guess what… That’s exactly what they’ll do when they’re wives and mothers.

So – husbands and wives – your bad behaviour doesn’t just rob the two of you from the delight and the joy that your marriage is meant to bring, it doesn’t just rob your children of the loving environment that they’re supposed to be growing up in, it’s going to impact your grandchildren, their children, and quite probably many generations to come.

How’s that for a sobering thought. Husbands, wives, your family, your children, your grandchildren, your great–grandchildren need your marriage to be a loving one. Not perfect, but loving. The sort of love that is the bedrock of a child’s makeup and psyche and emotional well being. Do you get it?

The biggest thing that you can do to stop your family from falling apart, is take a good long look at this man or this woman that you married all those years ago and decide to sacrifice your life to love them. To give your marriage your all. To forgive them for all they’ve done wrong, for all their annoying little habits, to open your heart to them and love them with all you are, no matter how much it hurts and no matter how much it costs you.

And not just today. But tomorrow, the next day… for the rest of your life. Because when we open our hearts to our soul mate, when we forgive them, when we accept them and love them just the way they are, the love returns. And believe you me, your children will notice. Your grandchildren will thank you. Listen to me husbands and wives, mothers and fathers: Your family needs your marriage.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Eph 5:25 – didn’t have to look that one up. It’s written on my heart because on the days when loving my beautiful wife Jacqui isn’t the easiest thing to do – and we all have those days in a marriage – this Scripture, this powerful word from God is what guides my behaviour.

Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. (Eph 5:22)

A lot of women write that off as being old fashioned, anachronistic. A lot of men have abused that verse down through the centuries. But ask any psychologist, psychiatrist or marriage counsellor, and they’ll tell you that whilst in a marriage, a wife’s greatest love needs are safety, security, emotional connection and understanding, a man’s greatest needs are honour and respect. 

I’ve recorded a whole series of messages on our website on marriage. But suffice to say today that this marriage thing, is God’s amazing plan, your wife guys is His gift to you, your husband gals, is His gift to you. 

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Prov (18:22)

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord (Prov 19:14)

Marriage was God’s idea. And now that you’re married, in God’s sight, you have become one flesh. And what God has joined together, as Jesus Himself said, let no man pull asunder.

Your family needs your marriage. How about it?