When it comes to developing the life skills that we really need, the life skills that are going to lead to a much, much better life, there is none more important, than maturity. But what exactly is maturity, and where do you get it?

Grow Up

Let’s be honest. Some people never grow up. Now, there are different aspects to growing up: Moving from childhood through those difficult teenaged years, into adulthood. One of them is taking responsibility for your life. Of course, not everything that happens to us over the years, good or bad, is under our control. Often storms blow in that we didn’t see coming, and yet it’s surprising how many things in our lives are, in fact, under our control; how many things we can change or influence through the decisions we take.

A child look to his or her parents when something’s too big for them to handle. In fact, even for the day-to-day, children rely on their parents for somewhere to live; for the food on the table; for the clothes on their backs. They rely on mum and dad to run them here and there, to come and watch them play sport or to get that award at the annual school speech night … That’s all as it should be, by the way, but the reason that teenaged years can be so difficult is that those are the in-between years when parents want to teach their children to take responsibility for themselves, and yet still live under their authority.

That’s confusing for the teenager and for the parents. It’s why there’s so much conflict often in those teenaged years. When we come through that process though, what we should be is responsible young adults. Sure; we have lots to learn, but we’re meant to be responsible for providing for ourselves and for taking control of the direction of our lives, as much as that’s possible, and for owning the consequences of our own actions.

Yet so often as adults, we want to abdicate those responsibilities. We want to blame other people or our circumstances or whatever for our predicament, and that frankly is no way to live. There was a time in Israel’s history where they knew, they just knew, that they’d gone astray. Ezra 10:1:

While Ezra prayed and made confession, weeping and throwing himself down before the house of God, a very great assembly of men, women and children he gathered to him out of Israel. The people also wept bitterly.

Now they had some incredibly difficult decisions to make, and what they came to was to take responsibility for their mistakes, and (listen to this; it’s really important) to take action to rectify those mistakes. Ezra 10:4:

Take action, for it is your duty, and we are with you. Be strong, and do it.

What is it in your life that you need to take responsibility for? What is it in your life that you need to grab a hold of and, as difficult as that may be, deal with? Because until you take responsibility, things just won’t be right, and yet one of the things that stops us from doing that is the blame game. Have you ever noticed how easy it is when something goes wrong to blame someone else? It’s often our first instinct – our first response when something in our lives goes awry. In fact, in this day and age, it’s almost a rarity to see someone taking responsibility for their own mistakes or shortcomings.

There’s a business bestseller called, “Good to Great” by a man called Jim Collins. He and his team undertook a huge research project to determine what factors set apart those companies with sustained stellar performance on the stock exchange from the also-rans; the run-of-the-mill; the everyday companies. On the question of leadership of the successful companies, he writes this:

The leaders of truly great companies look out the window to attribute success to factors other than themselves. When things go poorly, however, they look in the mirror and they blame themselves, taking full responsibility.

The comparison CEOs often did quite the opposite. They looked in the mirror to take credit for success, but out of the window to assign blame for disappointing results.

When things don’t go the way they should, what do you do? Do you blame someone else, or do you own the problem with all your heart, taking responsibility to the extent that some or all of it was as a result of your failings or limitations? Think of the last time something went wrong. Go on, be honest with yourself. What did you do? People blame their past; their parents; their upbringing; their spouse; those people out there … In fact, some people (be honest) have become exemplars at living out the blame game, and the problem with that is that in your own eyes, your life is completely out of your control. It’s everyone else’s fault and never your own.

Who or what do you blame when things go wrong, and how different would that be if like the truly great leaders, you instead took ownership of the situation? Because (listen to me) when we take ownership, all of a sudden, God has something to work with. When we take ownership, God steps in, in such incredible power.

King David is arguably the greatest king that Israel ever had; the greatest leader, until Jesus came along a thousand or so years later. Here’s the conclusion that David comes to. Psalm 51:1-4:

Have mercy on me, o God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin, for I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You alone, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and blameless when You pass judgment.

That’s why he was a great leader. That’s why God got right behind him, and I don’t know about you, but I want God working for me and not against me.

Like it or not, we have to live with the consequences of the choices that we make, so on that basis, I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make the best choices that I possibly can. Good choices, most times, yield good outcomes. Not always, of course. Sometimes other people don’t like it when we make good choices; I’m sure you’ve experienced that. Sometimes unpredictable things happen to rob us of the good consequences that should have resulted from our good choices; that’s just the way it goes sometimes, but most of the time, good choices lead to good consequences and bad choices lead to bad consequences.

And as much as we may wish that it weren’t true, sometimes we don’t have what it takes to make the good choice; to take the high road. Maybe it’s because of our own blind spots or because we’re tired, or we don’t have all the information, or our emotions lead us in the wrong direction. There are plenty of times in my life when I don’t have what it takes to make the best choice.

It intrigues me that even Jesus the Son of God, the Creator of the whole universe, found Himself in that place on more than one occasion because when He became a man, He laid aside His glory and His power, and became just like you and me.

So, He had a big decision to make. Out of all those who’d been following Him, who would He include in His inner circle – those who, ultimately, would go on to build this fledgling thing called the church, when His business on this earth was done? Big decisions with huge ramifications there, in choosing those twelve, remembering that one of them was destined to betray Him. So how did Jesus handle it? Luke 6:12-13:

Now during those days, He went out to the mountain to pray and He spent the night in prayer to God. And when day came, He called His disciples and chose twelve of them, whom He also named apostles.

He involved God. I mean, seriously, all night He called out to His father in heaven; sat and listened, and received the guidance He needed to make the right choices – God’s choices.

Think about it. God sits above all; He sees all; He knows all, and above all, He loves you more than words can say. You and I do have to live with the consequences of the choices we make, so why wouldn’t we involve God in them? I can’t tell you the number of times that the answers have come to me just in the next passage of the Bible that I was due to read, or just waiting quietly on God in the early morning. God loves you. He wants to be involved in your life, and He’s waiting right now to help you make the best choices.

Be the Best you can Be

There are certain things that, no doubt, you’re incredibly good at. You have certain gifts, certain motivations in your hearts, certain things that you know you can do better than just about anyone else. Sometimes of course, we don’t value those natural giftings enough because you live with your gifts and abilities twenty-four seven. The easiest thing for you to do is to think to yourself, “Well, you know, my gift – my ability? It’s nothing special. Not like that person over there. If only I could be like her. If only I could do the things that guy over there can do. If only I could be as successful as them.”

Have you ever found yourself thinking those thoughts? Making those comparisons? Sure you have. We all have, and at that point, you beat yourself over the head with your natural limitations. At that point, you look in the mirror and realise how far you fall short in certain areas. With me, it was my lack of pastoral gifting. Hey, I’m supposed to be a minister. I’m supposed to care for people, and I do; incredibly so, but it seems that I don’t have a pastoral bone in my body. There’s no gifting; there’s no anointing there. Not like my good friend Greg, who just seems to be an absolute natural at it.

Do you see how easy it is to fall into those comparisons? Have a listen to God’s take on all of this. Romans 12:4-8:

For as in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we who are many are one body in Christ and individually, we’re members of one another. We have gifts that differ, according to the grace given to us: Prophecy in proportion to faith, ministry in ministry, the teacher in teaching, the exhorter in exhortation, the giver in generosity, the leader in diligence, the compassionate in cheerfulness.

The bit that leaps out there for me is the bit that says we have gifts that differ, according to the grace given to us. So by God’s sovereign choice, He made you and me differently, with different purposes in life, just as my nose has a different function to my big toe. Without my nose, I couldn’t smell or taste. Without my big toe, I probably wouldn’t be able to stand up and balance, and walk properly. Totally different, but equally important.

Here’s what I think. In our process of growing up – of maturing in Christ, one of the most important things of all is celebrating the gifts that God’s given us, and equally, being completely comfortable with the gifts that He hasn’t given us. God made you who you are. That was His sovereign choice, and He wants you to be completely delighted both with who you are, and who you aren’t.

You and I both know that there are always areas in our lives where we can improve and come up higher. Even though I’m not necessarily pastorally gifted, that doesn’t give me a license to be rude and detached or uncommunicative. My people skills and relationship skills are really important.

It’s the same with you. Perhaps you’re one of those pastorally gifted people. Praise God for that, but pastorally gifted people are rarely on-time for meetings, because they’re the sort of people who will always make time for someone in need. That’s in their nature. Equally, it’s simply not right to use that gifting as an excuse for constantly being late.

So, yes, there are always areas where we need to come up higher; areas where we need to work on our behaviour, even though they’re not necessarily in the sweet spot of our gifting. Excellence honours God; it’s as simple as that. I’m sure as we’ve had this conversation, God’s touching your heart with one or two things that He’d like you to be working on, but (and this is such an incredibly important but) equally, struggling and trying to become someone who you aren’t is never going to work. Here’s God’s take. Ephesians 1:6:

He destined us for adoption as children through Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace that He freely bestowed on us in the beloved.

Now, let’s think about what’s going on in God’s mind (in God’s heart) when He destined you for adoption as one of His children through Jesus. Adoption is a big decision. Huge, in fact! And He did that out of His love for you; out of His pleasure; out of His will, pouring out His glorious grace on you, through Jesus. Just ponder that for a minute. What was going on in God’s heart when He destined you for adoption into His family, through the incredible suffering of Jesus, His beloved Son? It’s a whole different view, isn’t it?

What’s the matter with us, that we can’t get comfortable with how God made us, who He made us to be? What’s the matter with us, that we want to compare ourselves and wish we were this or wish we were that? Get a revelation. God loves you just the way you are. Hey, He made you just the way you are. Do you have a few rough spots that need sanding back and polishing? Course you do. God the Holy Spirit has that process well underway; don’t you worry, so instead of beating yourself up about who you are and who you aren’t, what God wants with all His heart of love for you is for you to join hands with Him in that process of change, for His glory and His love. God wants you to be comfortable in your own skin, while at the same time working with the Holy Spirit to deal with the sin in your life, and we all have sin that’s holding us back.

Developing Your Faith-Image

If I asked you, in twenty-five words or less, to write down who you are, what would you write? No, not some bland generalised statement. I want a sentence that captures your essence; your value; the important things about you. So, what would you write? What evidence, what feelings, what feedback would you draw on to write it? It’s hard because we don’t think too much about who we are, and yet who you believe you are, what you believe about yourself … It shapes your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings, and your reactions and mostly, we rely on what other people tell us. Perhaps you were told once by a teacher or a parent, “You worthless child! You’ll never amount to anything,” and that, like it or not, has had a huge impact on your self-image, or perhaps you were always the last kid to be chosen on the team, as I was in the schoolyard; and even though you don’t think about it all that much anymore, it still has a huge influence on how you see yourself.

Self-image is a dangerous thing. The lies of this world are ruining many a life, even (let me say) the lives of people who with all their hearts believe in Jesus, so what’s the alternative? One of my professors back in Bible-college days used to talk about replacing your self-image with a faith-image. In other words, deciding to believe what God says about you, rather than what the world says about you. For instance, try this on for size. John 1:12-13:

But to all who received Jesus, who believed in His name, He gave power to become children of God, who were born not of blood or of the will of the flesh, or of the will of man, but of God.

Children used to taunt me at school because I was chubby and short; because I was gifted in the classroom and not on the sporting field, and it hurt – a lot, so then I’d come home and talk to my dad about it. He’d help me get my perspective right. He’d get me believing the right things about myself. I got a lot of comfort from my dad just being my dad, and I’m absolutely certain that it’s because of him that those things from my childhood don’t affect me these days, but not just him; also my Father in heaven. As I read my Bible day after day, my heavenly Dad speaks those words about who I am into my heart, and for me, it’s been a simple decision to believe what Dad says about me, rather than what the world says about me. That is my faith-image.

Do you believe in Jesus? Then He has given you the power to be His child; it’s as simple as that. There’s an important reason why believing what God says about you has such a huge impact on your life. Most of us believe the world, and that’s what self-image is all about. The problem with that is that it’s like looking into one of those distorted mirrors on Sideshow Alley, and believing that that’s your body-shape. It’s not reliable. Believing what God says about you … well, that’s a lot harder because often, God says things that the world doesn’t say.

The world may tell you you’re worthless, while God tells you your worth by showing the price He was prepared to pay for you by letting Jesus die on that cross. The world tells you you’re not talented, but God tells you that He has given you a unique gift – a unique ability and not only that, He has a call on your life: A destiny planned for you to live out.

A carpenter hangs different tools off his belt. Two of the most common tools you’ll find there are a hammer and a screwdriver. Let’s say he takes the screwdriver and starts to hammer a nail into a piece of wood by gripping the shaft, and whacking the nail with the plastic handle. Is that a good use of the screwdriver? No! Is that the best way to get a nail into the wood? No! And yet how many people are living their lives like that, simply because they haven’t yet figured out what God has to say about them? Because they don’t know the unique gift that God’s given them, the call that God has placed on their lives. 1 Corinthians 12:1, 4-6:

Now concerning spiritual gifts, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. There are a variety of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone.

In other words, God has given you certain gifts, and those gifts are for the purpose, for the service, the activities that He has planned for you to do. Hammers are for driving in nails. Screwdrivers, on the other hand, are for screwing in screws. It’s obvious! But you know, people tell you this; they tell you that; they shove you into a job that you were never made to do, and then … then we wonder why we’re not happy; why we’re under stress and pressure at the moment.

Just picture that screwdriver being used to hammer in the nail. Is that what your life looks like today? Are you doing something you were never designed to do? God made you with a purpose in mind. He gave you a gift that fits like hand in glove with the things that He has for you to do, and it’s time to start believing what He says about you, rather than what the world says about you.

So let me ask you, is ambition right, or wrong? I mean is it okay to be ambitious, or, if you believe in Jesus, is ambition something that you need to give up? As things turn out, it’s not ambition itself that’s the problem, it’s the sort of ambition, the type of ambition that you have in your heart, that brings you unstuck.

Dealing with Ambition

So let me ask you, is it right to be ambitious? My dictionary tells me that ambition is a strong desire to do or to achieve something. A desire, a determination to achieve success. As someone who believes in Jesus, I’ve often struggled with this one, because success, well that can be truly self-seeking, self-fulfilling. Jesus, after all, said this – Luke chapter 9, verse 23:

If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.

I don’t know, but that radical view – and it is a radical view – of what it means to believe in Jesus, to live your life for Jesus, well, it doesn’t seem to fit too well with this notion of success. And frankly, I’ve lived my life, at least the first thirty-six years of it, often with the wrong sort of ambition in my heart.

Here’s what it looks like, this wrong ambition. You want to make a splash, you want to be noticed, you want other people to think well of you. You want, you want, you want … to be successful. Yeah, there’s money involved. Hey, who doesn’t want to have money? Who doesn’t want to live in a nice big house and drive the sort of car that other people will notice? Who doesn’t want to be able to afford the sort of clothes that’ll make them look sharp and catch people’s eyes?

That’s precisely how the thinking goes. And so what you do, what I did, is you climb over the top of other people, you walk over them, crash through them, even destroy them to get to your success. That’s what wrong ambition looks like. I ought to know. When I was in business, I was known to make grown men cry. I wanted to win. I wanted to succeed. How about you? Does any of that sound even vaguely familiar?

And I can tell you, sadly, you see that sort of behaviour even amongst people who profess to believe in Jesus. Jesus saw it too and this is what He had to say about this wrong kind of ambition. John chapter 5, verse 44:

How can you believe when you accept glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the one who alone is God?

That’s the bottom line isn’t it? How can we possibly believe in Jesus, how can we possibly follow Him and serve Him and love Him with all that we are, when we’re seeking glory for ourselves? And that’s what many people do. We want to put our best foot forward. We want other people to think well of us, to admire us. And when you do that, when you seek glory for yourself, it becomes virtually impossible to believe in Jesus. That sort of ambition, well, it’s simply not God’s plan for your life. But there is an ambition, a zeal that God does want you to have.

Jim Collins is a man who, with a research team that he established, set out to determine what it is that sets the great companies apart from the ordinary ones. What are the common threads, the common attributes that run through truly great companies, when compared to the also rans? That was the question.

So, he chose a number of stellar performers on the New York stock exchange, and set about doing the research to get answers to those questions.

What he discovered, not surprisingly, is that one of the things that set the great companies apart was great leadership. And one of the essential leadership attributes that he writes about in his book, “Good to Great” is this:

Great leaders embody a paradoxical mix of personal humility and professional will. They are ambitions, to be sure, but ambitious first and foremost for the company, not for themselves.

I’ve thought about that … a lot. And the conclusion I’ve come to is that Collins’ research simply bears out the truth of what Jesus had to say about ambition. Mark chapter 10, verses 42 to 44:

You know that among the Gentiles those whom they recognise as their rulers lord it over them, and their great ones are like tyrants over them. But it is not so among you; whoever wishes to become great must become your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be the slave of all.

The sort of zeal, the sort of ambition that Jesus is looking for, in you and in me, is the sort that sets out to serve others. The sort that removes us from the limelight, the sort that gives up the clamour and the desire for glory. The sort that is driven to seeing others experience the love of Christ through the sacrifices that we make.

Think about it. Who are the people you admire most in your life? Who has achieved greatness in your eyes? Come on, it’s those who’ve served you the most, right? Those who’ve sacrificed the most for you, correct? Not the ones who’ve been self-seeking and sought to lord it over you. Later on in the New Testament, the Apostle Paul puts it this way, Romans chapter 12, verses 10 and 11:

… love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honour. Do not lag in zeal, but be ardent in spirit and serve the Lord.

Yes be zealous. Yes be ambitions. Yes be driven. But for the purpose of showing honour to others. For the purpose of serving God.

So, what drives you? What motivates you? What are you ambitious for? Yourself? Your own image? Your own success? Or for outdoing others in showing honour, and serving the Lord? Because God is looking for ambitious people. Driven people. Zealous people. People who will get on and serve Him for His glory. Are you one of those?

I was at a function recently and I ran into a retired businessman, a man whom I’d met one time before. Now this man, over his career, had been extremely successful. He’d been the chairman of boards of some very large public companies. He would often appear in the business pages of the newspaper, being reported on with great respect. By any measure, he had been very successful and, you’d have to imagine, he was pretty wealthy by this time, in his early seventies.

Now, he and I happened to pull up in our cars outside the function at the same time. We parked next to each other. And the first thing that struck me was the modest vehicle that he was driving. Certainly not one of those cars that screamed ‘success’ at you. And as I chatted with him during the course of the evening, one thing stood out for me.

His great humility. You don’t often hear those two words in one sentence – greatness and humility. But actually, and this becomes pretty obvious when you think about it, true greatness only comes to those who are humble. Or put it the other way around, humility is an essential ingredient, perhaps the essential ingredient, to greatness.

I think sometimes we over-complicate life. We try to imagine what success looks like and we think we have to jump through this hoop and that one, impress this person and that one over there, dress like this, speak like that, be seen, be admired … in fact what I see when I look around is a lot of people trying to please one another. So, let’s take it back to basics. Let’s look at something truly simple that leads to true greatness. Micah chapter 6, verse 8:

He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Right there is a path to greatness – and let’s face it, your greatness is a legacy that lives in other people’s hearts. Greatness is how other people perceive you.

Firstly, do justice. Be honest and decent. Stand up for those who are in a difficult place. Be the one that the other people can trust and rely on.

Secondly, love kindness. Don’t you love being around people who are kind to you? You want to be around them. You love them, because first they showed kindness to you. Love kindness.

And thirdly, perhaps most importantly, walk humbly with your God. Don’t seek the glory or the limelight. Don’t try to be better than anyone else. Don’t forsake God and go your own way. Just walk humbly with your God.

That’s what godly greatness looks like. Justice, kindness, humility. That’s the greatness that’s ready and waiting for you.

Becoming a Good Person

Wickedness is rather a strong word. I don’t think that any of us really thinks of ourselves ever as being “wicked”. According to my dictionary, wickedness is the quality of being evil or morally wrong. Someone who intends, or at least is capable of harming someone else. Wickedness is something that broods in a person’s heart and then comes out in their words, their demeanour and their actions. So, might I ask you today – are you a wicked person?

At this point, most of us are prepared to cut ourselves some slack. Well, you know, I’m not that bad. Sometimes I have bad thoughts about people and yep, sometimes I hurt other people, but ‘wicked’, no that’s too strong a word to apply to me.

Really? Isn’t it amazing how we want to flee to the middle ground when we judge ourselves, our own thoughts and intentions, our own actions? We forsake the black and white of right and wrong, good and evil, and we soften the blow of self-judgement with shades of grey. And in any case, other people, well, they compromise as well don’t they? They make mistakes too. They do things that are morally wrong too. I’m not the only one, right? It’s so easy to be led astray in a world that has such incredibly low standards. Psalm 1, verses 1 and 2:

Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path that sinners tread, or sit in the seat of scoffers; but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night.

How easy is it in this world to take the advice of the wicked, to follow the path that sinners tread, or to sit in the seat of the scoffers? It’s so easy to do in the workplace, or in a social setting or even, let me say, in a church setting. When other people are behaving badly, we have a tendency to follow their lead, by stooping down to their level.

The original Hebrew word used there for “happy” literally means to be happy because you are blessed. God wants to bless you. God wants you to be happy as you receive His blessing into your life. But that’s not going to happen, if you follow the advice of the wicked, or tread in the path of the sinner, or sit in the seat of the scoffer.

So whatever wickedness you have bubbling away in your heart, wherever you know you’ve gone astray by following wicked advice – right now is the time to turn away from it and instead, delight in God’s Word. Instead meditate on it day and night. Because that’s where God’s blessing is to be found and that’s the only place where true happiness will overtake you.

Sometimes we find ourselves mired in the consequences of the mistakes that we’ve made, in the consequences of our sin, in the consequences of, let me be blunt here, our own wickedness. And when you’re that low, it seems virtually impossible to work your way out of it. How can I possibly move on from this place, from all the things that I’ve done wrong?

That’s the question that rattles around in the hearts and minds of so many people. And sadly, because they can’t see a way out, many of those same people end up wallowing in their sin and their wickedness for way too long.

Me? I knew in my life that many of the things I was doing were wrong. I knew there was a God out there somewhere. And I knew I needed to find Him. My problem was, that I also knew that I didn’t measure up. That He was good and I wasn’t, no doubt, if I bumped into Him, I’d be in some serious trouble.

Just in case you find yourself in that place, I want to share with you the way out. Unless and until our slate is wiped clean, unless and until the sins of the past are atoned for and our conscience is clean, the reality is, we simply can’t move forward. So here’s the good news. Are you ready? That’s exactly why Jesus died for you. 1 Corinthians chapter 15, verse 3:

For I handed on to you as of first importance what I in turn had received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures.

Plain and simple, if you put your trust in that one truth, if you trust completely in Jesus, your sins are wiped away. You are forgiven. God’s wrath is removed from you. It’s an act of God’s grace. It’s an act of God’s mercy. Where once you were mired in your sin, now you are completely free, completely forgiven.

And it’s at this point, that you can make the decision that you’ve been longing to make. To start living your life the right way rather than the wrong way. To start living for good, rather than for bad. Because after all … Romans chapter 2, verse 4:

Do you not realise that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

“Repentance” seems like such an old-fashioned word. But it literally means to turn – in this case, to turn away from evil and to turn back to God.

It’s a decision that we all long to make. We all want to live a good life. But the power to make that decision, comes only when we trust in Jesus. So, no matter what evil, what wickedness, what sin, the consequences of which you’re living out right now, Jesus stands ready to forgive you, to set you free … to give you a new life. And at that point, your life is going to start bearing good fruit. Really, really good fruit.

I love fruit trees. I remember as a young boy, Mum and Dad had nectarine trees, peach trees, apricot trees, plum trees in the backyard. Man, in spring and in summer when those trees started producing their fruit, my sister and I would just go outside and it was amazing.

What do I feel like today? Oh those plums look good, so I’d just pluck a plum off the tree, sit down on the grass and eat it. So sweet and tasty. And the nectarines, when they were ripe, wow! There’s something about fruit trees, right? So long as they have their roots down in good soil, and they get plenty of water, they are going to keep on giving. They are just going to yield their fruit in due season. And interestingly, it’s that luscious, tasty, amazing abundant picture that God uses to describe the life that He wants you to live. Psalm 1, verses 1 to 3:

Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path that sinners tread, or sit in the seat of the scoffers; but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night. They are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all they do, they prosper.

Chances are, you’ve never really thought of yourself as a fruit tree. But let’s just sit down on the grass and look at this picture that God’s painting for us. When we choose to do good rather than to be wicked, when we choose to become a man or a woman of God’s Word, feeding on God’s Word the way that a fruit tree feeds on the soil and the streams, the promise is that our lives will indeed yield rich fruit in season.

Do you feel sometimes like there’s not quite the overwhelming abundance of fruit that there perhaps should be in your life? Do you feel as though sometimes your leaves seem to be withering, your emotions are frayed, you’re spiritually dry, you’re completely spent?

Then it’s time to deliberately get into God’s Word. Interestingly, the original Hebrew word used there for ‘streams of water’ implies irrigation channels. In other words, a deliberate, man-made decision and act, to bring the water to the trees. And it’s that same deliberate decision and act that you can make, to become someone who is immersed in God’s Word.

Because then, with goodness flowing into you, you won’t be tempted to follow the wicked, the sinners and the scoffers. Instead, you’ll be like one of those amazing fruit trees I was telling you about, yielding a bounty of stunning fruit in due season. That’s the natural consequence of a tree that’s planted in good soil, by streams of living water.

Get Comfortable In Your Own Skin

So here’s the question. How comfortable are you in your own skin? How comfortable are you with your natural gifts and abilities, and your natural weaknesses and limitations and with handing over the sin that God wants you to deal with in your life?

Once we believe in Jesus, our lives are meant to bear fruit. In other words, the faith we have in Jesus, is meant to change us, to flow out of us, and to impact the people around us. That’s what Jesus said, John chapter 15, verse 8:

My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.

But the problem is, all too often we compare our fruit with the next person’s fruit, and we feel as though we’re coming up short. I can’t do what he can do! I’m not as clever as she is. How come they can do that, but I can’t?

You’ve had those thoughts, right? And our reactions to that comparison can be really, quite negative and unhelpful. You can be a good person, honouring God, following Jesus, and yet ineffective in impacting this world with his love, make sense?

In fact, I know people whose emotions are curled up in a hard ball like an armadillo simply because they think they don’t measure up. It’s like they have a cramp in their soul, wrapped up all tight and hurting, with this sense of, “I’m not worth anything. My life doesn’t count for anything.”  But I believe that God wants you just to relax, to open yourself up to Him and to trust Him. 1 Peter chapter 5, verses 6 and 7:

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time. Cast all of your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.

Part of letting go and letting God in, is humbling yourself. Accepting that the gifts and abilities that He’s given you, different though they may well be from those people around you, are unique and special and valuable.

Fruit comes inside skin. A banana looks different from an apple, which looks different again from a plum, or a peach, or an apricot, or a mango, or … whatever.

So often, we look at the next guy’s skin and come to the conclusion we’re no good. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God. Your particular gift, your particular type of fruit, is what He has chosen in His Wisdom and His love to give you.

And His plan, Jesus’ plan, is that you should bear much fruit, for His glory. God cares for you, so cast all your anxiety on Him. Get comfortable in your skin, humble yourself under His mighty hand, for God will – He absolutely will – exalt you in due time. In the meantime, bear much fruit, for this is to the Father’s glory.

I don’t know how you feel about that, but for me, it’s really, really exciting. Of course sometimes we doubt ourselves. Take that self-doubt and cast it on God. He cares for you, He really does. And He wants you to bear much fruit, just the sort of fruit He created you to bear, for His glory.

What God’s doing with and through the next person, is completely irrelevant. Completely! That’s His sovereign choice. Your job is to bear much of the fruit that He’s made you to bear. And when you get those doubts happening, as we all do, cast yourself on God, for He cares for you!

If only you and I could always come first. You know, be numero uno in this world. But as much as that’s our desire sometimes, Jesus doesn’t give us that option. Because in order to be first, actually you have to come last. What a pain!!!

The Power of a Tender Heart

Kindness is a much underrated quality these days. Sure, we love it when other people are kind toward us in a world that seems to be moving ever faster, where things appear to be getting more and more transactional. In a world where people are retreating into digital, electronic friendships rather than real ones, yeah kindness when we experience it really stands out.

When you hear that word kindness, you know exactly what it means; no definition required, right? But exactly what is it? Well, it’s being nice to other people, surely. Hang on but which people? Because it’s ever so easy to be kind to the people who are nice to us but a dictionary tells me that kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. Great, and I’m sure that there are people in your life toward whom you find it incredibly easy to be kind quite simply because they’re kind to you in return.

But what about the difficult people in your life? Conflict lies all around us and it’s conflict, in all its forms, that robs us of our peace and joy because we’re quite simply not made to be in conflict all the time. Ask anyone would you rather have peace or conflict? Well, you know the answer. So let me ask you again, what about those difficult people in your life?

Here’s what Jesus had to say on this very thing. Luke chapter 6, verse 35:

Love your enemies, do good and lend expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great and you’ll be children of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. 

God is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked, eh? Well, he is. In fact he’s been kind over and over again toward you and me. Even when we’ve been ungrateful, even when we’ve done the wrong thing, even when we’ve been wicked over and over and over again. Love your enemies, then. Do good to them, lend to them, be to them just as God has been to you: kind to the ungrateful and to the wicked. Why? Well it always bring peace? No, not always although it will substantially increase the chances of peace.

Think about those times when you’ve been acting like a fool and the person you’ve been hurting turns around and responds to you in kindness. Nine times out of ten it’s enough to disarm any sense of hostility you may have had in your heart, right? And whilst that won’t always happen, what will happen is that God will notice. God will see you and your reward from him will be great.

Like I said, kindness is such an underrated quality these days yet it has the power to bring peace and blessing to your life. But it’s hard to be kind when you have bitterness and anger in your heart. One of the things that God’s word talks an awful lot about is what’s going on in our hearts, in your heart and in mine. There’s a reason for that. The heart is the seat of our emotions and when we have bad stuff happening in there, deep on the inside, we can’t help it, it bubbles to the surface. We end up speaking and acting that bad stuff out. So it’s easy for me to say to you be kind to other people. It’s easy to say but it’s incredibly difficult to do with anger and bitterness bubbling away in your heart.

Might I ask you today: who do you feel angry towards right at this moment in your life? Whose words or deeds have hurt you and left a root of bitterness in your heart? Toward whom have you hardened your heart in a defensive response against that pain? Because today I’m believing that God wants to set you free from that as only He can by his spirit and his word. Are you ready? Ephesians chapter 4, verses 31 and 32:

Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander together with all malice and be kind to one another. Tender hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.

It’s quite a list there of destructive emotions: bitterness, wrath, anger, wrangling, slander and malice. And if I said to you today: put them away, get rid of them, let me tell you it wouldn’t make an iota of difference in your life. But today, right here and now it’s not me that’s saying it, it’s God through his word and he, he has the power to help you to do exactly that.

When God speaks through his word as he is here, through Ephesians chapter 4, verses 31 and 32, when the Holy Spirit lifts that word off the page and writes it on your heart, He gives you the power you need to change. More power, in fact, than you’ll ever need.

So friend, take his word into your heart right now. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander together with all malice and be kind to one another, tender hearted. Forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you. Replace all those negative emotions with a tender heart, as soft heart, a heart that feels and loves and gives. Just as God in Christ through His terrible suffering has forgiven you.

Because armed with a tender, gentle, kind, forgiving heart, you can change lives with God’s love. Armed with a tender, gentle, kind, forgiving heart, you can build bridges of peace, bridges into hurting, desperate lives that one day, one day, Jesus will walk across. Be tender hearted, forgiving one another as God in Chris has forgiven you.

It’s one thing to talk about kindness and tender heartedness. They’re good things but words are cheap. A little bit of kindness here and there can be an incredibly powerful thing. When someone’s having a bad day and you come along with a word of encouragement it can light up their whole world.

But if all we ever do is speak, well it starts to wear just a little bit thin after a while because sometimes people need a helping hand and there’s nothing quite as powerful as doing love. Not just speaking it but doing it in a practical way, right into someone’s area of need. Actions, as they say speak louder than words. That powerful truth played itself out on the cross on Calvary 2000 years ago. 1 John chapter 3, verses 16 and 17:

We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us. And so we ought to lay down our lives for one another.

How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or a sister in need and yet refuses to help? We know that God loves us not just because he says he does but because through Christ’s incredible suffering on that cross, we know he does. As a direct result of that sacrificial love that God poured out through the suffering of Jesus for you and me, you and I are called to lay down our lives for one another.

That implies sacrifice, that implies suffering. It’s not always convenient to lay down your life for someone else, in fact I’d go so far as to say it’s rarely if ever convenient or comfortable to lay down your life for someone else. And then, just to remind us that we’re not talking about some lofty theory here, the Holy Spirit guided the apostle John to bring it down to our level, to apply it practically to our lives and to our relationships.

How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need yet refuses to help? The more economically developed a society becomes, the more self-sufficient we become, the less likely we are to help one another in practical ways. In places where life is an economic struggle, look people routinely help one another in practical ways because they have to to survive. But the wealthier we become the less likely we are to help.

Listen Before You Speak

Now when it comes to life skills that really make a difference, knowing how to listen, how to shut up and then when to speak the truth, well I think that they would have to be right up there in the category of absolute essentials. So why is it that so often we get this so wrong?

Isn’t it just the most amazing thing when somebody actually takes the time to stop and listen to what you have to say? I don’t mean that they stop talking just long enough to figure out the next thing that they’re going to say, I mean when someone actually takes the time to listen to you and really understand what it is that you’re trying to get across.

I have to confess, I am not naturally a good listener. I’m born to talk, to do what I’m doing right now. As a brash young IT consultant I used to think that communication was all about me talking and showing other people how clever I was. Fortunately, I had a mentor, a man 20 years my senior who took the time to teach me the incredible power of listening.

It’s something, by the way, that I’m still learning and I suspect that many of us need to keep working on it because listening, stopping, taking the time to understand someone else even if you don’t agree with them, is one of the most important, the most powerful, life skills that we can ever learn. James chapter 1, verse 19:

You must understand this my beloved, that everyone be quick to listen but slow to speak.

We live in a world where the exact opposite is true. Whether it’s face-to-face or on social media, everybody it seems is talking but very few are actually listening.

Recently a good friend of mine in his 80s passed away and his widow asked me to take his funeral service. I was sitting with her, her daughters and the funeral director in their home planning the funeral and for the most part I just listened. At this point I quietly gave thanks to my mentor who all those years before had taught me the power of just listening. There were times in that two hours or so where frankly I thought they could have made up their minds much more quickly about this detail or that, but that wasn’t the point. It wasn’t about me, it was about them, their grieving process and the way they wanted to say farewell to their husband and father.

I noticed too that even though she had a job to do, the funeral director was an incredibly good listener. I walked away from that time feeling so privileged at having been able to be there and just listen to them talk. Come on, it’s a privilege to hear what’s going on in someone else’s heart. And it so honours the other person, it shows them such respect when we simply sit down, shut up and take the time to listen.

Let everybody be quick to listen and slow to speak. But of course listening isn’t something that comes naturally to many people. Most of us, I think, are uncomfortable with silence. We think that in order for the conversation to flow somebody needs to be talking and if nobody else is we’d better say something. Anything will do, just something to get rid of that uncomfortable silence.

How often have you stupidly blurted something out just to break the silence? Pretending that you know about something that really you have no idea about? We’ve all been there and the people around you don’t know whether to laugh or just be embarrassed for you. The more we speak, our thinking goes, the more knowledgeable it makes us look. When in reality the exact opposite is true. Along with the skill of listening, the skill of simply being silent is one of the most important life skills that we can ever learn. Proverbs chapter 17, verses 27 and 28:

One who spares his words is knowledgeable; one who is cool in spirit has understanding. Even fools who keep silent are considered wise; when they close their lips they are deemed intelligent.

At this point, I’m reminded of the young man by the name of Ben with whom I’ve been working recently. He’s an expert in social media and digital communications. And of all the people I’ve met in my life, he more than anybody embodies this scripture. I recall we were in a meeting with some web developers planning something new. I jump here and ask a question there, share a thought. The head developer asked Ben whether he had any questions. ‘No’, he said, “I’ll just wait”. He sat there without saying anything for quite a while, observing, thinking, listening. But when he did open his mouth, his few words displayed a wisdom and an insight well beyond his years. Instead of being keen to impress he was very much cool in spirit, calm, measured. Let me tell you, very, very impressive.

At what point did we start thinking that talking was the most important part of communicating? At what point did we begin to imagine that battling on about things that we really don’t understand, showing off with our many words, was the way to impress other people? This proverb is spot on. The one who speaks fewer words ultimately comes across as the more knowledgeable one and even the fool when he sits silent appears to be wise.

In a world where everybody’s trying to put their best foot forward, where so many people are trying to impress us with what they have to say, silence, knowing when not to speak, is more important than ever.

The Bible is full of life skills, essential life skills. And these skills are very rarely taught explicitly in our upbringing. We’re meant to pick them up I think by osmosis. But God doesn’t leave these things to chance. One to spares words is knowledgeable; one who is cool in spirit has understanding. You’ve no doubt heard that old saying: we have two ears and one mouth so we should use them in the same proportion. In other words we should listen about twice as much as we speak. It’s a good adage that remains every bit as true today as it was back when the pace of life and the pace of communication were much slower.

But when we do finally speak, when we do open our mouths having listened and understood other people, what should we say? Well, let’s start with another question. What do people usually say? In my experience it’s one of two things. They either tell me what they want me to hear or what they think I want to hear.

All too often people are pushing their own agendas so they tell us what they want us to hear, trying to get us to agree with them. That’s why the shop attendant invariably tells you that you look fantastic in that item of clothing you’ve just tried on because what they want is the sale.

Other times they’ll tell you what they think you want to hear, to butter you up and gain favour that they can call upon at a later time because frankly, telling someone something that they don’t want to hear often doesn’t get good results. It’s awkward, uncomfortable and often time leads to conflict. So when you open your mouth what should you be telling people? Ephesians chapter 4, verses 14 and 15:

We must no longer be children tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness and deceitful scheming. But speaking the truth in love we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. 

What should we be telling people? Answer: we should be speaking the truth in love. Not what we want them to hear to get them to agree with us and not what they want to hear to curry favour with them, but the truth. And not the truth in a rude, confrontational, disrespectful way. The truth delivered that way will rarely be accepted, even though it is the truth. No, we’re called to speak the truth in love with kindness, with gentleness, with the other person’s interests at heart.

The older I get the more I find myself looking for people who’ll tell me the truth. I want to know what they really think, what they really feel. I want to be dealing in the facts that will help me to make the best decisions even when the facts happen to point out one of my weaknesses, mistakes or faults. I respect that. What should we be saying when we speak? The truth, in love.

Be the Hands and Feet of Jesus

Now in the few minutes that we have left today I’d like to chat with you about the single most important, the single most powerful life skill of all. It’s a skill, no perhaps skill’s not quite the right word, it’s a sacrifice that Jesus demonstrated on the cross toward you and me and it’s a sacrifice that he’s calling us to live out for the rest of our days on this earth. And that thing, that one most important thing is unconditional love. So let’s dive back into God’s word because this is truly powerful stuff.

The thing about the unconditional love of God is that it’s proactive. God stepped out of heaven in the person of Jesus Christ while we were still sinners. He didn’t wait for you and me to clean up our acts, he didn’t sit back like the Pharisees, the religious leaders of Jesus’ day and judge and criticise us. God looked down on the likes of you and me and said, hey, they need help. I’m going to do something about this.

Of course that was no surprise to him. He didn’t wake up one day shocked at the sin that was ruining humanity, the sin that was ruining your life and mine. From before the beginning of time he knew, he always knew that one day he’d have to do something radical for you and me. Romans chapter 5, verses 6-9:

For while we were still weak at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. Indeed rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, oh perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die. But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Most more surely then, now that we have been justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from the wrath of God.

That’s what love is, that’s what love does. It doesn’t sit back and wait, it steps forward and acts and love is proven in the suffering of Jesus Christ which was decided upon and which happened before you and I ever cleaned up our respective acts. In fact it happened because God knew that without that act of radical love you and I would be doomed to the consequences of our sin.

And that very same love, that very same proactive, radical love, the sort that steps out in sacrifice rather than sitting back in criticism, is the love that you and I are called to live out in the this world. Nothing more and nothing less. Radical, unconditional love. Jesus said this about you and me: very truly I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and in fact will do greater works than these because I am going to the father.

Sometimes we just apply that saying to the miracles that Jesus performed and that’s great. When God performs miracles through us that’s awesome but the greatest miracle, the greatest work that Jesus performed was his sacrificial love on that cross. And over and over again we, you and I, are called to live out that sacrificial love. The sort that steps forward and acts instead of sitting back and criticising.

Jesus is calling you to great acts of love in a world that’s hurting, in a world that’s desperate to receive the love of Jesus Christ. Now I know, I know absolutely that living out that love isn’t easy. We do it, you and I, so imperfectly, so often we feel completely inadequate to the task, completely overwhelmed. And when you do feel that way remember so did Jesus. John chapter 12, verses 27 and 28:

Now my soul is troubled and what should I say? Father save me from this hour. No, it is for this reason that I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name!

 Yes his soul was troubled yet still his focus was on glorifying God through his suffering. Living out the unconditional love of Christ towards other people is going to trouble your soul, it’s going to bring you pain just as it did for Jesus. Loving sinners always, always involves sacrifice and pain and yet it is to the father’s glory that you do that very thing for him.

The world is full of good and of evil. You and I, we’re called to live a life of good. A life that honours God. But what we need, are the life skills to allow us to do that. Fortunately God’s already thought of that – and His Word is packed full of wisdom, full of the very life skills that we need, to live a life that glorifies Him.

Treat People as Individuals

One of the things that’s incredibly precious to each one of us is our own name. It’s an odd thing when you think about it. I mean, a name is just a label; it’s a unique identifier, but if that’s all that there was to it, we could just have a number. Why don’t we change your name to 7449018? ‘G’day, 7449018! How are you?’ It just doesn’t have the same ring about it, does it?

And there’s a reason for that. Our name speaks something of our uniqueness into this world, and so we become incredibly attached to our names. I love the fact that my name is Berni; B e r n I with no e on the end, because that’s how my parents spelt it, and that’s how it is. I often find myself telling people when they’re writing down my name, ‘There’s no e on the end.’ Why? I mean, does it really matter? Well, actually yes, it does matter to me, just as your name matters to you

Think about this: God knows you by name. Isaiah 43:1:

But now, thus says the LORD; He who created you, o Jacob, He who formed you, o Israel: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, and you are Mine.’

When God thinks of you, He thinks of you by name. When He looks at you, He sees you and He knows your name. When you’re in trouble (in distress) and you cry out to Him, He knows your name. Jesus put it beautifully in John 10:2-3:

The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice; he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.

Imagine, then, how it feels for someone else when you forget their name: When you’ve met them once, and then you see them again, and you just don’t remember their name. That person’s name is one of the single-most precious things they have, just as your name is one of the single-most precious things that you have, and when we remember other people’s names, it so honours them. It speaks to them of the respect that we have for them.

Honestly, I sometimes struggle to remember people’s names. I travel round the world and meet many, many people, so for me, it’s really quite an occupational challenge, but as best I can, I try to remember their names. I enlist help from our local staff to coach me, and to remind me of people’s names.

God remembers us by name. That’s incredible! God Himself knows your name. How does that make you feel? So imagine the power of remembering and using the names of the people you meet. What a life skill! And imagine building on that and treating each person, interacting with each person, building a relationship with each person, based on who they really are.

It’s tempting, you know, to treat everyone the same, as though somehow we are all the same. Let’s face it: By and large, our default position is that everyone sees things the way we do; everyone experiences things the way we do. Of course in theory, we know that’s not true, but in practice, that’s pretty much how we behave.

And when people don’t see things the way we want them to, when they don’t react to things the way we expect them to … well, we respond with surprise, with annoyance and oftentimes, in anger. Just as everybody has their own unique name, so everyone has their own specific God-given gifts. They tend to see things (just as, in fact, we do) through the lens of those gifts, and through the lens of their experience: The good things they’ve been through, and the bad things as well.

Come on. What makes us imagine for one moment that people all see things the way we do? And why is it that we’re so surprised when they don’t? God’s Word is pretty clear on this. Romans 4:4-6:

For as in one body we have many members, and not all members have the same function, so we who are many are one body in Christ, and individually we are members of one another. We have gifts that differ, according to the grace given to us.

Take a look at any roomful of people: Thirty, forty, a hundred, a thousand, and what you’ll notice is that other than the odd pair of identical twins, everybody looks different; different hair-colours, styles, eye-colour, complexion, the way they dress, the way they talk, and even the identical twins when you get to know them are often quite different.

So imagine … I mean just imagine … if we started working, living, interacting with people, building relationships with people, on the basis that everyone’s actually different, rather than everyone being the same; on the basis of getting to know them – their likes and their dislikes; their strengths and their weaknesses, even in just the little things. Some people don’t like to be rushed, so don’t rush them. Some people like to be punctual, so when you’re catching up with them, be on-time.

Imagine if you took the time to figure out what makes people tick: Your wife, your husband, your children, your brothers, your sisters, your work-colleagues. Imagine how differently you’d be able to interact with them if you knew just these two things about them: The one thing that annoys them most, and the one thing that they find the most pleasing. Do you think that would improve your relationships? Do you think it’d bring more peace and joy to your life? It’s not rocket science. God made everyone to be different, and it’s time to start treating them that way.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

God is a God who rewards the good in us. It’s a really simple fact. Like any good father, He wants to see His children live a good life. I know that’s what I want for my children. Yeah, I want to see them succeed in their chosen profession, but more than that, I want them to be good people: People with good morals; honest; decent; hardworking; loving; caring for others. And like any father, when they were growing up, I tried to teach them those things. It didn’t always go that well.

Kids being kids, they didn’t always get things right and as you well know, as teenagers, they often pushed the boundaries as teenagers do. And as an imperfect father, I didn’t always get things right either, just quietly. But what was in my heart for them was to bring them up to be good people, and the best way as a parent to do that was to reward the good behaviour in them; to teach them that good behaviour, unselfish behaviour, honest and decent behaviour, has its rewards. I think that approach is pretty common to all fathers, even if (as I’ve said) we don’t always get it right, and in fact, that’s exactly the approach God takes with us. Galatians 6:9:

So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest-time if we don’t give up.

So what God’s saying to us here is, yes, sometimes the going does get tough, but hang in there. Keep on doing good because one day, at harvest-time, you’re going to reap the reward that He has ready and waiting for you. God blesses and rewards the good in us. That’s why Jesus said (John 12:26):

Whoever serves Me, the Father will honour.

In a world in which people more and more are preferring fifty shades of grey to simple black-and-white, you know, I think that’s not such a bad model. It’s so easy to take the good in people for granted when all along, the good in other people is really a blessing from God that could and should be rewarded in a way that encourages more good in this world.

Just think for a moment how powerful-an agent of change the rewarding of good would be in your life, through your life. Think of the missional impact that the rewarding of good could have through you, as you implement God’s approach – God’s model of reward, and the rewards don’t have to be all that big: A simple, “Thank you. I so appreciate what you did,” will often suffice. So who in your life is doing good? Who could you reward today to encourage them to do more good? Because that’s the model that God has ordained.

Of course, not everyone is good all the time. Sometimes people are downright evil. The question is, so then what? By and large, the simplest thing to do when someone is doing something wrong, something that we know is bad, something that quite clearly is going to have terrible consequences, is … well, just to ignore it.

My wife and I were recently at a café having a quiet cup of coffee or at least, we were trying to. At the next table was a young mother on her mobile phone, chatting away. Opposite her was her one-year-old with a cup in his hand, banging it hard and loud on the table. Now back in my day, I would have taken that cup off him, and taught him that that was the wrong thing to do, even though it probably would have resulted in a tantrum. They have to learn, right? And the sooner the better because one day, that one-year-old is going to be a teenager and then, watch out! But not this mum. No, she simply ignored the child’s bad behaviour and apparently oblivious to it, just kept on talking on her mobile phone. How that cup didn’t smash in his hand I’ll never know.

This ignoring of bad behaviour thing starts quite early-on, and because dealing with bad behaviour takes energy – because it’ll probably cause conflict along the way, we’ve all become quite adept at turning the blind eye; at ignoring it, hoping it’ll go away, but that’s generally not what happens. When we ignore bad behaviour, whether it’s in a one-year-old at the café or in a work-colleague who’s bullying someone, it almost always gets worse, so what’s the answer? What do you do? How do you deal with that bad behaviour? Galatians 6:1:

My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in the spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted.

In other words, God’s calling us to deal with it. God’s calling us, albeit in a spirit of gentleness, to confront the bad behaviour with the aim not of exacting revenge, but of restoring the person who’s doing bad; with the aim of bringing them back to good behaviour.

Now that bit about doing it in the spirit of gentleness is really important. If that young mother had put the phone down and screamed at the child in frustration … well, that probably wouldn’t have been the right approach, any more than you or I responding angrily (with revenge in our hearts) to someone who’s doing us wrong.

Take care that you yourself are not tempted into that, but when we do it in love, when we do it with gentleness, when we point out the mistake quietly and offer a better alternative to the person who’s behaving badly, something surprising happens. God shows up. God honours that, and more often than we might expect, that person who’s been behaving badly is restored to good.

But that doesn’t always work, so then what? People behaving badly in this world is simply a fact of life. We can try and do the right thing; we can try and talk about it to them gently, quietly, privately, to restore them to good behaviour, but let’s be honest: It doesn’t always work. It should; we wish it did, but it doesn’t always work, so then, what do you ordinarily do in that situation?

Let’s say you tried once or twice to help someone deal with their bad behaviour, but they haven’t responded well. What happens next? Well, most of us, we just give up. ‘Well, you know, I tried, but he’s a hopeless case. He’s never going to change.’ Sound familiar? Sure it does. We just write them off and move on, leaving the bad behaviour to fester and harm not just them, but everybody around them. I’m not so sure that’s the best approach. What do you think? Have a listen to the apostle Paul’s advice to his young ministry protégé, Timothy. 2 Timothy 4:1B-2:

I solemnly urge you, proclaim the message. Be persistent, whether the time is favourable or unfavourable. Convince, rebuke, and encourage with the utmost patience in teaching.

In a nutshell, the older, more experienced Paul is saying to young Tim here, ‘Don’t give up. Keep telling people about Jesus – the good news, the fantastic news about Jesus, whether the conditions are favourable or unfavourable.’ Does that mean shoving religion down someone’s throat? I don’t think so, but what it does mean is not giving up on them.

I have a very good friend who knows that some of the things that he’s doing are wrong. The lifestyle that he’s chosen for himself is just wrong, plain and simple. Now I care deeply for him, and so on the odd occasion, I’ve shared with him the good news of Jesus and by the way, deep in his heart, I know he believes, but his lifestyle is pulling him away from the Lord. He can’t have his cake and eat it too, as the saying goes.

As much as I care for him though, the one thing that I will not do – the one thing that I will never do – is endorse his bad choices; tell him that it’s all ok, because whether the time is favourable or not, my heart is to convince and rebuke and encourage him with as much patience as I can muster, and of course to pray for him, because there’s such incredible power in prayer. James 5:16b:

The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.

People are going to behave badly, but don’t give up on them. Perhaps God’s put you in their lives for a time such as this to be the one through whom His love, His grace, His mercy, flows into their lives. Don’t give up.

Have an Open Heart

Can I ask you today just to picture the face of the person who’s causing you the most grief, the most pain, the most problems in your life right at the moment? Ok. Do you have their image in front of your eyes? So now let me ask you: Yesterday, how did you respond to that person, in your heart, in your mind? What thoughts have been running through your head about them? What scenarios? What responses? What reactions have been playing themselves out over and over again in your head, and in your heart? How do you feel about that person right now?

I’m guessing that there are a few answers there that you’re probably not all that comfortable with. Perhaps those questions have taken you to a place where you’d rather not be because when people sin against us, we harden our hearts towards them and close off our lives, so (and here’s my final question for you today) how did Jesus react to exactly those same people? Matthew 9:9-10:

As Jesus was walking along, He saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth, and He said to him, ‘Follow Me.’ Then he got up and followed Him. And as He sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came, and with sitting with Him and His disciples.

Tax collectors were the scum of the earth back in those days. They were fellow-Jews who’d colluded with Roman authorities to exhort exorbitant tolls from people who passed by their tax collection booth on the road. So not only did they collude with the enemy who occupied and oppressed their land, they lined their own pockets at the very same time. No wonder they were hated and despised!

But Jesus, instead of shunning them, invited one of them to become one of His disciples and then … Then He went and had dinner with a bunch of these sinners, with the very same people who were hated and shunned by good, God-fearing Jews. Read on, and you discover He copped quite a bit of criticism for that, but His take on it was that it was exactly the people like them that He’d come to this earth to save, and let me be blunt here: If you believe in Jesus, if you claim to follow Him, it’s exactly for people like these that God has put you on this earth: To share the love of Christ with them so that perhaps, some of them will be saved.

So back to that one person I had you picturing a moment ago: Your most difficult person, your tax collector if you will. It’s that person to whom Jesus has sent you. Be open. Be engaging. Show them the love that Christ has shown you, and the easiest way to get started in doing that is to look for the good in them. When someone’s treating you badly, and you want to write them off because they’re just too much trouble, and they’re more than you can cope with right now, I want to encourage you to do something radical. Are you ready?

Try looking for the good in them because let me tell you, no matter how badly someone’s behaving, deep-down, there’s always some good in them. That’s exactly what Jesus did when He went to dine with the sinners and the tax collectors at Matthew’s house. Matthew 9:11-13:

When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with the tax collectors and the sinners?’ But when Jesus heard this, He said, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what it means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice, for I have come to call not the righteous, but the sinners.’

Where others saw only sin, Jesus saw something worth redeeming. Jesus knew that if only these sinners, these social rejects, could experience the love of God first-hand, then the good in them would come to the surface. So often, the people who behave badly do so because they’ve never experienced unconditional love in their lives. No one’s ever stepped into their lives looking for the good in them, and helped them to rediscover that good that they thought had been lost for ever.

I’m here with you today because when I was one of those bad people, some of those who call themselves Christians stepped into my life, as Jesus did in the lives of these tax collectors and sinners, and they believed somewhere deep-down inside me, hidden though it may have been to their sight, that there was some good in me worth redeeming. All too often, we approach people like those tax collectors and those sinners with the attitude of, ‘Well, what’s in it for me? How will they treat me? What will I experience? Will they hurt me again? What will other people say about me?’ It’s always with this me, me, me thing. Have you noticed? And yet Jesus had no thought whatsoever about what was in it for Him.

The religious leaders, the religious powerbrokers of the day, the ultra-conservative, legalistic, rule-based Pharisees, they criticised Him. ‘Why does He mix with all those undesirables?’

“Because I came to heal the sick,” said Jesus. “Because I came for them; because these sinners are made in the very image of God, and I’m here to show them mercy.”

We can go to church; we can sing the songs; we can hear the sermons; we can pat ourselves on the back, but let me tell you, unless and until we look for the good in the sinner, we’re just kidding ourselves.