Peace is one of those things – well, who doesn’t want peace in their lives?  Freedom from conflict.  But imagine, just imagine what a blessing it would be, to have peace at home.  A family that thrives on peace instead of being lost in conflict.  

If God offered you anything you wanted in this world, anything at all, what would you ask for? Tough question. It takes a bit of thinking about: a new car, a bigger house, health, a long life. There are so many things to choose from. What would you choose?

Can I tell you something? After the basic provisions of enough air to breath and water to drink and food to eat and a roof over my head, you know what’s right up there for me. Peace, just being able to live my life in peace.

Back in the Old Testament in 1 Kings Chapter 22, verse 17, it says this:

Then Micah said, “I saw all of Israel scattered on the mountains like sheep that have no shepherd.” And the Lord said, “These have no master. Let each one go home in peace.”

There’s something about, about being able to go home in peace. And you see that’s God’s heart for His people. He looks at Israel, they’re scattered everywhere, they have no leadership. And God says, “You know what I want, I want for each one of them to go home in peace. To kind of walk in the front door, close it behind you. Be in this sanctuary called “home” and to be able to withdraw from the world with our families and have peace.”

In fact, my hunch is if you and I did a survey and a peaceful home was one of the things on that list, many people would choose that as what they want, because there is such a blessing in a peaceful home.

Many a home is torn by strife, discord, disrespect, dissention; and many a family is disintegrating. What if, what if we could have a peaceful home? What a blessing that would be.

When I look around this world, you know, many homes are far from being peaceful. They’re a long way from that. Depending on where you live either the divorce rate is running at almost one in two marriages. Or, if divorce isn’t quite the cultural norm, many a so-called families are little more than two waring adults and a bunch of angry, ill disciplined children. There’s no peace in those places. You can’t have peace when people aren’t living a peaceful life.

There’s an interesting statement in the beginning of the Old Testament book of Proverbs. Now this is a wisdom book. It’s wisdom literature. Have a listen to what it says. Proverbs Chapter 1, verse 7:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and only fools despise wisdom and instruction.

When it comes to peace I had an interesting email from a rebel fighter in a war torn part of Africa last year. He listened to a program of ours on the radio about the fear of God. Have a listen to what he said:

Recently I was attending a peace conference. While I was in my hotel room I turned on the radio. As I was listening to your program I realised that without the fear of God in our hearts, there will be no peace. No peace at all. These 8 minutes were enough to take me to a turning point in my life as well as in my peace effort in this region. I left that room as a changed man. I’ve been on the battlefield for 13 years now. I don’t know how many people have died because of my gun but what I know is that I decided to lay down my arms.

What an amazing testimony! But do you get it? Peace comes when we fear God. That’s what the Bible says and that’s what this man discovered. This man who killed goodness knows how many other people. Peace comes when we decide to do it Gods way. Peace comes when we lay down our guns, stop shooting because deep in our hearts we’ve experienced the fear of God: a right fear, a good fear when we decide to start living our lives His way, the right way.

There’s a name for that, it’s called righteousness. And that righteousness has a real impact on our home lives. Have a listen to how the prophet Isaiah puts it. Again in the Old Testament, Isaiah Chapter 32, verses 17 and 18:

The effect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness – quietness and trust forever. My people will abide in a peaceful habitation in secure dwellings and in quiet resting places.

Wow, what an incredible blessing – peaceful habitation; secure dwelling places; quiet resting places. Where does it come from? It is the affect of righteousness. What an incredible blessing!

Let me ask you something. Is that something you want for your life? When you walk through the front door, close it, shut out the rest of the world out there, is that the sort of home, the sort of family that you want to have?

I believe that it is time for us to start building a Godly home, to take seriously our responsibility to play our part in making our homes Godly. Now, it’s not going to be perfect because imperfect people have an imperfect home. Sure. But you know something, as we start to get the fear of God happening in our hearts. As we start to honour God and to live our lives His way, something happens. It’s a bit like that rebel fighter. In just 8 minutes peace broke out in his heart.

Now in our families it may not happen over night. It may take months, even years to sort through some of the messes we’ve created. Now, we can’t change the past. We can’t undo those mistakes. But we can change from this moment forward. What a blessing a peaceful home is. And I’ve lived in both, house of conflict and a house of peace. Let me tell you, peace is so much better.

There is a price to pay. I can’t always have my own way. But you know something, it’s good. That’s something I had to learn and I’m still learning. I’m absolutely determined to do the best I can to make the home that I live in peaceful. Not just for me but for my beautiful wife Jacqui and my daughter, Melissa. They’re entitled to peace too you know.

Now, there are going to be times where the three of us rub each other the wrong way. But over the coming few weeks on the program, we’re going to be taking a look at some really practical things that we can do to have a godly family.

I was talking recently to a real estate agent who was selling a house for a couple that had been separated. Every week they had the sales meeting to do an update on how the sale of the house was going. And he was telling me how difficult those meetings were. He said you could cut through the air with a knife with the tension. These two detested each other. They couldn’t see eye to eye on anything. Why is that? How did that happen? How did things get so low?

I’ll tell you how. It’s the inevitable outcome if we live in our families for ourselves, selfishly. What I can get out of it. It starts not long after a couple is married. Tiny cracks appear. Battles start. They turn into raging wars. And it tears our families apart.

Life wasn’t meant to be lived that way. We were not meant to live in a war zone. And part of what needs to happen in our homes is that each one of us needs to bring ourselves under the authority of God Himself. Godly people have the opportunity to build a godly home. It’s not a slam dunk by the way. It’s no certainty but at least we have the opportunity. Ungodly people have no show.

Let me ask you again. What do you want? Do you want what the prophet Isaiah was talking about?

The effect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness – quietness and trust forever. My people (says God) will abide in a peaceful habitation in secure dwellings and in quiet resting places.

Is that what you want? Or do you want a home of discord and dissention? My hunch is we need to deliberately choose peace. And then, then when we’ve decided on peace, we need to set about building a peaceful home, a godly family.

Okay, there is going to be a cost. It can be, it will be hard work. But the blessing is so worth it. What do you think?

We men are a funny breed – we have the whole provider and protector thing going on inside us.  And you know something, if we know how to live that out in a godly way, we can be such an amazing blessing to our families.

We men are a funny breed. There’s something deep inside us that makes us the protectors and providers for our families. Most men, not all but most men are programmed, hard wired, to provide and protect. Yet these days, women so often work and bring an income into the house and that’s great but it tends to be the man, the husband, the father who carries the burden of protection and provision for his family around in his heart.

That’s why, when things are financially tough, so many men take it personally. I was talking to a good friend of mine recently who had been counselling many of his friends in the financial services industry; men who had lost so much of their wealth through the financial crisis. Many of them were contemplating suicide. Why is that I asked him? And he said, “Well, here’s the strange thing. By any global standard you’d have to say these men are still very wealthy. But through the loss they feel like such failures.”

It’s kind of how we are as men. And even though we men can so often get things wrong and become all dominating and reclusive and uncommunicative and even down right abusive, you know there’s something special about the way that God’s made us. There’s something inside us that wants to lead and that … that thing is a real asset to our families.

It’s such a blessing to have a godly family. You know what comes from a godly family? A peaceful home and that is such a blessing, an incredible blessing – to walk in the front door, shut the door and know that we have, on this side of that door, peace. I love this passage from the prophet Isaiah in the Old Testament.

The effect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness – quietness and trust forever. My people (says God) will abide in peaceful habitation in secure dwellings and in quiet resting places. (Isaiah chapter 32, verses 17 & 18)

Now, I don’t know about you but I want that: peaceful habitation, secure dwelling, quiet resting place. And funnily enough that fits so well with the thing that we men have hard wired inside us somewhere, to be the protector and the provider. Because if we really thought about it that’s the sort of home we’d like to provide for our families. I certainly would.

And that snug fit, that kind of ‘hand in glove’ thing that’s happening here between God’s promise of the peaceful home and the man’s desire to provide and protect, you know what that tells me? It tells me that we men, husbands and fathers, we have a big role to play in bringing that blessing of peace to pass.

That’s something I’d like to unpack today on the program because if the truth be known, there is more than one man listening today, for whom it’s time to step up to the plate and be a man. To be the man God made him to be in his family: to protect, to provide, to bring peace and blessing to our homes.

There’s this notion these days of the man being the head of the household is not particularly popular. It’s not politically correct. But the reality is that the man’s protector/provider kind of strength fits him well for that role. Not to dominate people, not to abuse his power but to be a godly leader of the home. And here’s the key, it’s in that adjective “godly”.

An ungodly husband and father can be such a destructive force in the home because he’s so strong. His anger is so fierce. It’s part of who he is as a man. A father can be destructive. Have a listen to this bit of Godly advice from the apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4. He says:

Fathers, do not (do not) provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

You see the two sides of the coin there? The strength that he has can let dad bring his kids up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. It’s a great strength but it can be misused to provoke his children to anger. Godly strength wrongly applied becomes a harsh reality. And where there is harsh judgement and treatment from an ungodly man in the home, there can be no peace.

The other mistake we make, in the 21st century context, is the mistake of abdication. Many a father and husband walks away from his role as the leader of the home. And that’s sad. Because as a godly leader he can bring such an incredible peace and stability and safety and order in the chaotic thing we sometimes call family.

The three most common reasons why we men sometimes abdicate are these. Firstly – we’re just plain exhausted. We’re working long hours to pay the mortgage and we just can’t be bothered. We’ve got nothing left.

Secondly – it’s not politically correct anymore for him to exercise leadership. We mistake equality between men and women. We get it all wrong. We think, somehow, it means that our roles in the home are the same. Well they’re not because we’re different and God planned it that way. And the template that men have in their heads of the relationship between their fathers and mothers doesn’t seem to work so well anymore. So it’s not politically correct so they don’t exercise leadership.

And thirdly – kids have been taught to disrespect their parents. I don’t know if you live in a place in the world where you can watch the TV program The Simpsons, but the father, Homer, is a stupid old slob who never gets things right. Society is teaching our children to defy their parents and so many a man will abdicate. And on top of all that, he’s so busy, he’s too busy to have a close walk with God. He himself isn’t godly.

You know, if I don’t spend time with God I am not going to be godly. So if you’re a man, listen up. And if you’re a woman, listen up too because this is important about your man.

Men, God has made us in a certain way, strong with that protector/provider instinct for a purpose. And the greatest thing that we can do for our families, the greatest thing, is to get close to God. To start praying and reading the Bible and getting so close to God that we can hear His heart beat. It’s a strong, beautiful beat, a constant rhythm of a Father’s heart. And the closer we get to God, the more we rediscover who God made us to be.

Actually, being a leader and loving and cherishing our wives and nurturing our children, it comes kind of naturally. It comes naturally to cherish our wives. It comes naturally to instruct our children, to nurture them, to discipline them and to protect our families from things that will upset their peace.

The problem is so many men have slipped into bad habits because they’re tired, because society has told them that godly ways aren’t trendy anymore. Maybe they’re not trendy but if we surveyed woman and asked them if they wanted their husbands to step up to the plate and take on the mantle of leadership, godly leadership in the home. You know what answer we’d get, a resounding, “oh yes please!”

It’s great for us men to be passionate about our work but something my wife’s been teaching me is that I have to have something left for my family too. Not the leftovers, not the dregs but something of my best. So, if you’re a man, if some of this rings true for you, if it’s striking a bit closer to home today than you wished it was, here is my encouragement to you today.

You my friend are God’s gift to your wife and your children. He expects you to lead. He expects you to protect and to provide. And when we’ve figured out what that means in our particular families, what we discover is that who we are brings peace to our homes and that … that is such a great blessing.

We tend to think of men being the stronger sex and the Bible even talks about women being the weaker sex.  But some of the strongest people I know are women – and you women, your particular brand of strength can be such an amazing blessing to your families.

They say that what marriage is all about is two becoming one. It’s  a great theory but, well, as I heard someone once say, it’s the “becoming” that’s the problem.  That’s where the hard work really is.

Well, over this last week-and-a-half, on the program, we’ve been talking about building a Godly family and this week in particular, about realising the enormous blessing that comes from having a peaceful home. Its great stuff isn’t it? And yet, for many, it seems so impossible, this notion that our family, our dysfunctional family, with all its bumps and wrinkles and imperfect family members, could ever possibly be godly and peaceful.

But it’s not impossible. It’s God’s plan for our families and the peace comes from the fact that we start living our lives the way God always intended. A scripture that we’ve looked at over the last few days is the one from the book Isaiah. Isaiah chapter 32, beginning at verse 17:

The affect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness, quiet and trust forever. My people, says God, will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings and in quiet resting places.

Righteousness, living our lives right, has consequences. There’s blessing attached to living our lives that way. And that blessing is quietness, trust forever, peaceful habitation, secure dwellings and quiet resting places. We sow what we reap. And I have to tell you, nowhere is that more important than in a relationship between a husband and a wife because it’s that relationship that sets the course for family life.

I once heard someone say something about marriage that made me smile. There’s a passage in the book of Genesis that Jesus quotes many years later that goes like this.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.

This person said that that’s all well and good but it’s the ‘becoming’ that’s the hard bit. Anyone who’s been married for any length of time will know that that’s the truth. The ‘becoming’ is the hard bit. We all go into marriage somehow imagining that it’s going to be sweetness and light, the proverbial bed of roses. Just to discover that the ‘becoming one flesh’ can be so hard.

Because while we know that marriage is a partnership, honestly, in our hearts, our vision of partnership is that “she’ll do everything my way. She’ll want to watch the sport on TV with me. But, oh goodness, she better never make me spend interminable hours in women’s clothes shops and shoe shops.” Or the other way round if you happen to be a woman.

But it’s not like that. It requires both husband and wife to lay down their lives for one another because if they want to hang on to their own lives they’re going to lose their married life. But if they let go of their own lives, they’ll discover this amazing new life together. Does that sound vaguely familiar to you?

And this is where God’s wisdom comes in. If we want to build a godly family then the foundations have to be rock solid. Husband and wife, each individually, have to have a great relationship with Jesus. They individually have to be walking close with Him and living a godly life.

That’s the strong foundation in the ground. And on that foundation they can then build a godly marriage together. And on that foundation, of a rock solid godly marriage, they can build a godly family. I mean the kids and the family as a whole, what chance at godliness and peace do they have at learning those things in family, if mum and dad aren’t godly and living out a godly marriage? The answer is zippitydoda. None. Absolutely zilch.

And here it comes, here’s the godly approach to marriage. We looked at part of it yesterday on the program. Maybe it feels a bit old fashioned. Maybe it’s not quite the sort of language that we’d use today but let me tell you something from experience, it works. Have a listen, a careful listen. 1 Peter chapter 3, beginning at verse 1:

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe in the Word they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives when they see the purity and the reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornments such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight.

For this is the way that holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands. Like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs, with you, of gracious gift of life so that nothing may hinder your prayers.

Finally, all of you live in harmony with one another. Be sympathetic. Love each other as brothers. Be compassionate and humble. Don’t repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. Whoever would love life and seek good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn away from evil and do good. He must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

There is some brilliant advice in here and, as I said, we may not use the same language today. The first one is:

Wives, submit to your husbands.

But later on, Peter writes in chapter 3, verse 7, he writes:

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.

Do you see the thing? This is two sides of the one coin. This is actually talking about mutual submission in different ways. I just can’t run off as a husband and do all the things I want to do anymore. I have to submit to my wife. I have to be considerate of her and nurture her and value her and cherish her. But also the wives have to acknowledge the leadership role that the husband has. So there’s mutual submission. Wives submit to your husbands. Husbands honour, value and respect your wives.

And then next it says watch what you say. Look if you were to have …

… long life and seek good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from deceitful speech.

Be careful what you say in your marriage because words hurt.

And then seek peace and pursue it.

This is not rocket science. But we’re so selfish. So hell bent on getting our own ways, we ignore God. Instead of fearing Him by living according to what He says and reaping the blessing. We somehow think we know better. Well get a revelation – we don’t!

Husbands and wives be mutually submissive to one another. Figure out what that looks like, what it means in your marriage.

Wifey dear, hen pecking your husband ain’t going to work. Hubby, you ignore her much longer and you’re going to lose her. Zip up your lip and don’t spit out angry words. And as hard as it is, as much as it may hurt, “Seek peace and pursue it.” Deliberately turn away from the things you know are wrong. From the things you know are robbing your marriage of peace. And here’s the consequences stated plain and simple for all to see and hear. 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 12:

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

Righteousness, living our lives sensibly according to God’s Word, bringing that into our marriages. People, that’s where the peace is in our marriage. I’m a simple guy. I don’t remember long lists but this one, even I can remember. And you know something, the more I think about it the more it’s a no-brainer. It’s so easy to carry on about all small stupid things that ruin our marriages and don’t matter and in doing that we rob our home of peace.

You want peace? You have to seek it and pursue it.

Honour isn’t something that gets talked about all that much these days.  But Commandment number five out of the top ten is to honour your parents.  And it turns out that there’s a very good reason why it’s right up there at number five.

It’s funny how the way we think; the things that we think are important. They change over time. If you got a 15 year old down with a 45 year old and a 60 year old and a 90 year old and got them together and asked them what things are really important my hunch is we’d get quite different responses from each of them – the values of my parents generation, people who’ve been through World War 2 and their parents who’d been through the Great Depression.

Well those generation’s values are quite different to those of my own, the baby boomers, for whom the term the ‘me’ generation was invented. I mean my grandfather on my father’s side (who’s now long gone) he was born in the 1800’s and he lived in a house in Romania (a place where it gets bitterly cold in winter) with animal skins instead of glass for windows.

And there’s one core value though. One that we don’t hear people talk much about anymore, that’s so important when it comes to building a godly family. That value is honour. It’s something that today’s generations don’t talk too much about. Oh we know that we want other people to honour us. But honour, as it turns out, is a two way street and without it we simply can’t have a godly family.

And in fact, God thinks it’s so important that in the Ten Commandments, the first four are about God and us and the very next one, the fifth Commandment is about honour in the family. It’s pretty amazing that whole Ten Commandments thing when you think about it. Let’s have a quick look. The first commandment, Exodus chapter 20, verse 2:

I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other Gods before me.

That’s the first Commandment. Put God first. The second Commandment:

You shall not make for yourself an idol whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above or that’s in the earth beneath or that’s in the water or under the earth. You will not bow down to them or worship them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God punishing children for the inequity of their parents to the third and fourth generation of those who reject Me but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.

So there it is, the second one. The first one was honour God. The second one is you don’t get to worship anything other than God. The third Commandment:

You will not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God. For the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses His name.

So, it’s again about honouring God and the fourth Commandment, Exodus chapter 20, verse 8:

Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Six days you shall labour and do all your work but on the seventh day is a Sabbath day to the Lord your God, you will not do any work.

So again it’s about our relationship with God and setting time aside for Him, to rest in Him.

There are the first four Commandments. What are they all about in a nutshell, the executive summary? Well Jesus summarised it pretty well when some young lawyer asked Him, ‘What’s the greatest Commandment of all?’ Remember what He said. Luke chapter 10, verse 27. He answered:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength. This is the first and the greatest Commandment.

You see, this whole “first four Commandments” thing is about honouring God, first and foremost, above all other things. That’s the executive summary, nothing more important than that.

Now, I’m wondering if you or I were God, what would we have put down as the next commandment? Well, if it were me, I think ‘don’t murder’ would be number 5. I mean what can be more important than that. Don’t steal. Don’t commit adultery. Mmm, I think those should have come next but number 5 probably “don’t murder”. So, what does God choose as Commandment number 5? Here it is:

Honour your father and your mother so that your days maybe long in the land of the Lord your God is giving to you.

See, this ‘honour your father and mother’ comes ahead of murder, ahead of adultery, ahead of stealing, lying and jealousy. Honour your mum and your dad. I don’t think I would have even had that one in the top 10 – maybe in the top 20 but probably not in the top 10. Yet where does God put it? Number 5, the very next Commandment after He’s given four commandments about us honouring Him first and foremost.

Not only that, it’s the very first commandment to which there is a blessing attached. You honour your father and mother, and here’s the blessing, so that you may live a long time in the land that God has given you. You know what that’s about? Israel was, one day, going to go and possess the Promised Land. They were going to have to take it by force and all the nations they took it off would try and get it back. And all the other nations around them would try to defeat them. But the blessing attached to honouring your father and mother is this – that there would be peace.

Ain’t there a message in that for a few families? I mean, how many families are a mess because the children have never been taught to honour their parents? I know young adult children in their 20’s who live with their parents who don’t pay board, who drain on parents finances in their old age. Who leave a mess behind and they cause pain. Why? Because these children needed to be taught to honour their father and their mother. That’s why.

Have a listen to how the psalmist puts it. Psalm 37 beginning at verse 25. He says:

I have been young and now I’m old. Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. They are ever giving liberally and lending and their children become a blessing.

Do you see the link between what happens to children when we are righteous? They become a blessing.

Now, let me warn you here. Teaching our children to honour their parents is plain hard work. It’s ongoing. It’s incessant. Why? Because we’re all born to sin, all of us. Think about it. What’s the first or the second word that each young child learns to say? No. We are all naturally rebellious. And that’s why God calls us, first and foremost, to honour Him, and secondly, for us to honour our parents. Honour, respect, revere, listen to, obey, speak well of – that’s what honour means.

Parents, listen to me. In this day of consumerism we’ve been conned into thinking that unless we pander to our children’s every whim and desire and race here to do this for them and make their lunches and clean up after them, unless we do that we’re not being good parents. We rationalise it. We think we’re so busy at work, “I need to do things for them in other ways.”

Listen, the very worst thing that we can do to our children is to fail to teach them to honour their mother and father. The very worst thing, because if we fail in that, we fail to give them one of the most important elements of maturity that they will need in their adult life: the ability not to be first’; the ability to be subject to authority; the ability to serve others, to put others before themselves. Do you get it?

In our home there are some bottom lines. I mean our kids are basically grown up now but there were some basic rules. You do not go out unless your bedroom is tidy. No exceptions. You speak with respect to your mother. No, she is not your personal slave. You say thank you when your mother or your father play taxi driver for you and pick you up on Friday night late at night. You say thank you directly, straight away as you’re getting out of the car and loud enough for us to hear.

See, this isn’t about ego. It’s not about being mean. It’s about one simple thing. The best thing I can do is to teach my boys to honour their mother because if they don’t learn to honour her, they will never honour a wife. And the same is true of my daughter with a husband.

Unless children are taught to honour their father and their mother, there will be, listen to me, there will be no godliness in the household. There will be no peace. There can’t be. And the time to start is here and now.