Episode 1. The Folly of False Expectations
Some days following Jesus isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. I suspect you know what I mean. And yet all too often, we wonder what’s the matter with Him, when all along, it’s our own …
Following Jesus is difficult. We wish it was easy. In fact, we think it should be easy. But it’s not. It’s hard. That’s just the way it is. And that reality is something that most people struggle to come to grips with. How about you?
The Road Less Travelled
Adversity is a fact of life. It happens in all areas of our lives, at different times. In our finances. In our relationships. In our jobs. In our families. In our health. In our own thoughts and emotions.
Last month on the program I shared a series of messages with you called How to Stop Your Family from Falling Apart. And quite a number of people wrote to me and said, in effect: well, my family has already fallen apart. What about me? And so later this year we’ll be chatting about marriage separation and divorce, losing a loved one, singleness, childlessness … because things don’t always follow that old fairy tale ending … and they lived happily ever after.
My preference and your preference is that life should be easy – if not completely easy, then at least ten or 15 or twenty percent easier than it is just at the moment. Just a little bit less of a struggle. Just a little bit easier. Oh – and no major catastrophes. No major disasters that cause us pain.
And the key here is expectation. My parent’s generation went through World War II – my dad fought in the German army on the Russian front. My mother lived through air raids and the bombing of her home town Graz in Austria. And when I look at those people from that generation – whether European or Australian or wherever they come from, their expectations of life being easy aren’t as high as perhaps yours and mine are.
My generation – the baby boomers – we were born in the 1950’s and 60’s in a golden era of prosperity and hope. Our parents, having suffered much through WWII worked hard to give us a better life. All the modern electric kitchen gadgets, televisions (okay, black and white, but televisions nevertheless) motor cars, all those things happened post World War II – and they indeed gave us a better, more prosperous life.
And so, we boomers carried on that tradition with our children – Gen X and Gen Y – who carried it on with their children – the millennials … and so it goes on. As prosperity boomed in the west, our expectations of what is normal became incredibly inflated. Prosperity is normal. Peace is normal. Success is normal. And of course, the advertising industry chimed in, feeding us, bombarding us constantly with images of success.
Now, what I’m describing doesn’t apply everywhere. There are plenty of people listening today who live in desperate adversity – in refugee camps, in war–torn parts of the world. But even as I travel through those parts of the world, what I see is that the lure of the prosperity of the west beckons. Media is global today. TV, the internet is global. And so people feed on this inflated set of expectations – and we begin to imagine that success, peace, prosperity and comfort are the norm – or if not quite the norm, at least those are the things that we should aspire to.
Comfortable house – tick. Nice car – tick. Healthy superannuation fund – tick. Private schooling for our children – tick. The latest techno-gadgets – tick. The latest fashions – tick.
And for men and women of faith – those of us who believe in Jesus – we tend to drop this worldly model of success onto the Bible, we try and create our own blended theology of success. We expect that following Jesus should be easy – and when they discover that it isn’t, many fall by the wayside. Surely if God loves me He wants to bless me – why am I having to deal with all the problems and challenges and issues and conflicts and adversity? Either there’s something wrong with Him or there’s something wrong with me … I don’t know but something isn’t working.
Have you ever thought that to yourself … or perhaps, if you haven’t quite articulated it that clearly, as I talked about it, you find yourself nodding your head in agreement … Yeah … Yeah … That’s right. That’s what I’m feeling.
So before we can really talk about following Jesus with confidence – and hey, if I’m going to follow Jesus, if I’m going to call Him my Lord and my Saviour, then I want to follow Him with a quiet confidence in my heart – but before we can talk about that, we need to deal with this expectation gap. Have a listen to this exchange between Jesus and a couple of would–be followers whom He met along the way:
Now when Jesus saw great crowds around him, he gave orders to go over to the other side. A scribe then approached and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” Another of his disciples said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” But Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead. (Matthew 8:18–22)
It seems to me that Jesus isn’t calling you and me to a life of comfort. Following Jesus is a journey and from what I can see here – Jesus isn’t promising you and me a big house with two living areas, four bedrooms and a double car garage, in a nice suburb. He’s setting out the reality – plainly and simply – that following Him is an uncomfortable journey.
I often wonder how that second guy felt, the one whose father had just died. Jesus, I really want to follow you, but my dad’s just died, and I have to go bury him first.” I remember when my father died, I don’t think I’d have missed his funeral for the world.
And Jesus replies – Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead. The only words that I can come up with to describe that is harsh and unfeeling. If I’d have been that guy, I’d have been thinking – Do I really want to follow this Jesus??
But Jesus here was making a point – a strong point – about what it means to follow Him. It’s not a life of comfort or compromises. Here it is again – Jesus:
Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish. ’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:23–35)
My friend – have you counted the cost? Are you expecting an easy ride with Jesus, or do you see the stark reality that He’s painting here? Of course, we go through times of great blessing in our relationships and in our circumstances from time to time. Well, most people do. But what Jesus is saying here is that suffering and sacrifice are the norm for a Christ–follower.
Most of us are worried about the single most important person on the planet – me! What’s in it for me? We’re constantly asking ourselves. What do I get out of this? But Jesus said:
If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves (Luke 9:23–25)
If we have the wrong expectations of Jesus, then we are never going to be able to follow Him with confidence. Some days it’s going to be hard. That doesn’t mean we’ve failed. It means that that’s what Jesus promised.
So – let me leave you with this question: In your heart of hearts, what are you expecting of Jesus? Are you expecting what He promised, or are you expecting what the world tells you, you should be getting?
Reacting to Adversity
Recently my wife Jacqui had an operation on her foot – and those days immediately after the operation, she was in a lot of pain. Now Jacqui is an active woman, out there doing things, planning things, helping people – that’s just who she is.
But in those few days after the operation, all she could focus on was the pain she was in. It’s pretty natural, acute pain has a way of blocking everything else out. I was still having to think about this and that, keep the ministry running (which she’s normally involved in) get meals on the table, do the shopping.
But for her, in those few days, it was pretty much all about dealing with the pain. Of course you’ve been there – whether it was physical pain or emotional pain – and you know all about that. You know how pain seems to block out the rest of the world and convince you that pain is all there is.
It’s our natural reaction to adversity isn’t it? We lower our gaze, we focus on the immediate and nothing else matters. But as natural as it is, this reaction to adversity and pain, you know something, it doesn’t serve us very well.
And what magnifies our pain often is the unrealistic expectation that we shouldn’t be having to deal with it. Hang on – I believe in Jesus and surely God wants to bless me and so why is this happening to me … is what we often find ourselves thinking, right? When all along, Jesus said …
If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves (Luke 9:23–25)
That’s a picture of suffering and sacrifice, not comfort and compromise. And it seems to me that accepting that reality is one of the hardest things to do – and yet it’s just so necessary if we’re going to get the sort of perspective on life that allows us to follow Jesus with confidence.
What do I mean by that? If we simply don’t accept reality, if we’re kicking against and struggling with reality – if we refuse to accept delivery of the reality that Jesus promised to anyone who would follow Him – how can we possibly be in a place where we can follow Him with confidence.
Listen again please to Jesus’s own words:
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it. (Matthew 7:13,14)
So there you are, you’re travelling on that narrow difficult road that leads to life, because in your heart of hearts you’ve chosen to follow Jesus – the road less travelled. Yet you’re heading upwards on that difficult road, wishing that it was a whole bunch more like that wide, easy road that heads downwards to destruction. And that double–mindedness is what’s killing you. That double–mindedness is what’s stopping you from following Jesus with confidence because your heart is longing after the alternative. Double–mindedness is a real killer. Have a listen:
My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.
If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind;, for the doubter, being double- minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (James 1:2–8)
But the problem is how do we change our mind? It’s easy for me to sit here in the comfort of a nice, isolated studio and tell you – don’ be double–minded – and you’re thinking, but it hurts so much. It’s so hard. I’m struggling. I don’t want to be double–minded – but I don’t know how not to be. Yeah, well, I have exactly the same problem. And the answer – the how – comes to us from God. From God’s Word. Let me read you this short extract from the longest chapter in the Bible – Psalm 119 – it’s written by a man who’s struggling, who’s going through a lot of pain. And he tells us the “how” – verses 97 to 114:
Oh, how I love your law! It is my meditation all day long. Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is always with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your decrees are my meditation.
I understand more than the aged, for I keep your precepts. I hold back my feet from every evil way, in order to keep your word. I do not turn away from your ordinances, for you have taught me. How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Through your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I have sworn an oath and confirmed it, to observe your righteous ordinances. I am severely afflicted; give me life, O Lord, according to your word.
Accept my offerings of praise, O Lord, and teach me your ordinances. I hold my life in my hand continually, but I do not forget your law. The wicked have laid a snare for me, but I do not stray from your precepts. Your decrees are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. I incline my heart to perform your statutes forever, to the end. I hate the double- minded, but I love your law.
You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word.
Do you see the power of what he’s saying here? It’s God’s Word that is a lamp to his feet – to help him take the next step and a light to his path – so he can see ahead a little ways. The person who wrote this psalm is going through the whole adversity and pain thing just the way that you and I do. He has enemies on his tail, and the going is tough. But what he’s saying here as he pours out his heart to God – is that God’s Word is what is making all the difference. Listen again:
Oh, how I love your law! It is my meditation all day long. Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is always with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your decrees are my meditation.
Whenever someone who is going through a rough patch asks me – what can I do? How can I find peace? How can I discover confidence and faith in God? I ask them this question: how much time are you spending reading God’s Word, pondering it, praying about it, thinking, turning it over in your mind? Invariably the answer is little or no time. Man I tell you. This is the only way to discover God’s peace in the middle of the storm. Bible reading and prayer.
It sounds glib. It sounds simplistic. It sounds like – here take a couple of aspirin for your migraine. But it’s not that at all. Prayer and Bible reading are simple and powerful. And the only way I’ve managed to get through some of the really rough patches in my life have been to listen to God speak to me through His Word.
You can read books, you can listen to guys like me yabber on, you can phone a friend, you can try all sorts of things. But I am here to tell you that there is nothing as powerful as God’s Word. His Spirit uses it to strengthen you, encourage you, admonish you, guide you, give you wisdom. It just doesn’t get any better than that.
And yet so many of God’s people, travelling through a rough patch, leave their Bible in a bottom draw, or up on a shelf, gathering dust, or in a box in the storeroom. What’s the matter with us?
That “One Thing”
So what is your “one thing”? That one thing that right now is rocking you to the core, shaking your foundations. We don’t like to admit that that’s what’s going on in us. But let me tell you, as I sit here chatting with you – I certainly have my own “one thing” that’s testing my faith.
We go to church on a Sunday, sing the songs, listen to the sermon, catch up with people afterwards and they ask us – So, how are you going? – and we smile and tell them “Oh, just fine, how about you?” in a well rehearsed ritual as we hide our despair behind the mask that we put on.
We want to believe that Jesus is in this with us and we want to have the faith that we think we’re supposed to have, to get us through … but somehow it eludes us. I know you know what I’m talking about, because anybody who has determined to follow Jesus has been to that place.
Sometimes it’s disillusionment. Sometimes we express it in anger or frustration, or by isolating ourselves. So the question that arises, is this: when we’re in that place of low confidence, overwhelmed as we often are by our circumstances and situation, what can we do?
How can we get through that? How can you at this moment, lay hold of the confidence in God that is eluding you in this difficult time?
Well, let me pick up where I left before the break. The only way, in my experience, that I am able to lay hold of my faith in God, you know find it so that it makes a difference, experience the confidence in God and His peace that I know I should have, is to spend time in His Word, the Bible, and in prayer. Alone. Just with Him. Over and over again. Listen to this parable that Jesus told about persistence in prayer. It’s a powerful one: Luke 11:5–13:
And Jesus said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him. ’ And he answers from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything. ’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.
“So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.
Do you see – He wants us to persist in prayer. Come back again and again, day after day – ask, search, knock – why? Why does God do things that way? Why doesn’t He just give us what we ask for first time round? Because He wants to grow our faith and our confidence in Him. He wants us to rest, to believe in His Word, to pour out our hearts to Him day after day and in that process as the answers to prayer come, what we discover is that all along the Holy Spirit – given to us by this gracious, loving God of ours – has been at work in us.
Growing in confidence in anyone or anything, is a process. Trusting a person, trusting the pilot on the plane in the middle of a severe storm – happens through experience. So why wouldn’t it be the same in our relationship with God. It happens through a combination of faith and experience through the tough times. And those times of one–on–one prayer and Bible reading are so precious – so incredibly precious – because they deliver the results. Hmmm. Don’t believe me? Try it. Just try it and be amazed!
Comments
Marlene McIntyre
That was awesome to read. Very inspiring. Thank you so much.
Lasbury Akpi - Okilo
Thanks for helping me live a better Christian Life. I enjoy your daily contact and wish to ask you for intercessory prayers about my financial situation and also for my marriage breakthrough.